WAW, bouts of anger still spewing, awaiting the D.

[SH_]

Good evening.

roist,

All good points and in line with my forward focus and the abstract vision of my goals.
I do know that it is a defense mechanism for me to withdraw and look inward. I have done this for as long as I can recall.
Maybe it was all the moving around my family did when I was young and the challenges and trauma I would go through to work so hard to make a friend only to see them go. The harder I would work to find a new friend or two the more I had to adapt and try and fit in and it became exhausting trying to repeat the process so frequently.
I see the result now as I can engage and meet new folks with ease, but I am always the outsider coming to a new group and typically feel like the third wheel. After 20 years with my w, I never felt like I fit in with her family. I was the odd one out basically being the only spouse that was not from her hometown and having grown up with her family.
Anyway, point is I know you are correct and that it can be changed. I am trying to read and learn better habits for connecting socially. I do desire a close social connection where I feel a part of something more than the lost puppy scratching at the door to be let in.

The mr fix it thing. Also spot on. I know in my heart that I can not fix it for others. I believe my intent is not to do so, initially. But I get caught up when I perceive that I can see the answer clear as day and I just want them to as well. Again, it is the immature 5 year old mind that kicks in before I know it. People see the answer when they are ready and it almost never at the " convincing " from another.
This too, I am focused on working on. I am reading MWD other book Change your life and Everyone in it for a better mindset and approach for this.

I am working to strike the balance between the procrastination and pressure that I set myself up for. That is one of the battles that rage in me. One I will continue to be mindful of, as progress, even if slow, is still progress.
I just need to get out of the muck now. Time will not stop for me. And I want to enjoy every moment I have left. And action, is that which I desire to help me do so.
Thank you roist. Your thoughts are always wise and insightful. They help bring clarity to my vision, while helping me remain focused forward.

Cadet.
Always a pleasure when you drop by my pad here. I do know that you are correct in that each LBS must go through their cycle. And while many of the stages are of the same flavor. The intensity and pattern of the cycle will vary. I only hope that some level of respect is maintained when they are railing against the turmoil even if they cannot wrap their head around it.
Of late it just seems to me the intensity and frequency of disrespect had gone up. But I know that my time here in the neighborhood has been short all things relative, and so the full moon of insanity I am sure has risen many more times and the vets and long timers here have seen it all before.
I just have to do what I do as a parent with my children when they toss that tantrum.
Back away
Pay it no mind.
When the eyes of a sane person return, address it with them, hug it out and move forward.

I will enter a new post for my chat with Mach1, so as not to ramble on with this entry.