MLC, WAW or WW?? Who really knows? Help...pls

[ROE]

Married 24 years. We met as teens before HS and dated off/on till we M'd in our mid 20's. We became each other's BF and we did everything together. We were each other's firsts. I fell in love with her at first sight and never stopped loving her. We weren't together the entire time. We did go through 2 extended break ups and dated others before marriage. After HS while in her early 20's she left state and married someone else. I was crushed at the news. I never detached completely so less than 2 yrs after she married, she calls me out of the blue and tells me her M was a mistake and plans to D. She mentioned that she wanted to see me again. She wanted to know if we had a future together. I was thrilled so YES!! Of course we had a future. She moved back during D process. We started dating again almost imediatly. Engagement was short and we married quick. Wlived the dream. Both college educated, good paying jobs, no kids yet. We built our 1st home and lived in it for the next 22 yrs. Had 4 kids and we loved every aspect of our lives together. Not to say everything was perfect. But ours was better than all of our friends and our parents also. We never fought for years. We travelled extensively for work and pleasure. We were very social with an abundance of friends. We had good for sure. Soul mates living out our childhood dream.

Fast forward 20 yrs,,, the fast paced jobs, large home and constant running with kids was taking its toll. Nothing serious but the "honeymoon" phase had passed. Our marriage was still solid. And still better than everyone else's. I almost forgot,, during those years we both suffered changes to our parents. I lost both parents, father due to illness and mother just checked out and walked away from us all. Her family suffered a long term and changed their lives forever.

Anyway, about 2 yrs ago is what I can put together when things started that has brought us to our current sitch. But according to W it was much earlier than that yet she did not show it. So a very close mutual male friend and neighbor of ours, was very involved with our lives and children as his children were friends with ours. His relationships with former W's and GF's can be described as toxic. So we were always there for him. My W has a soft heart for kids so she was very compelled to help him for sake of his kids. Over time their friendship developed to an unhealthy friendship but I was not aware of it at the time. I believe they kept much of it a secret early on. Over time they became more bold and I began to suspect something was wrong but more from the idea that OM was possibly in the wrong, surely not my W. when I questioned W her response was they were only friends and she assured me I was misunderstanding. Eventually during the end of 2015 I couldn't take it anymore and we had a big fight over the issue. All others were arguments at best. This one was a true H/W verbal fight. That was Dec. Then a few weeks later BD and it came out the friendship was more than that. They were full on emotionally connected. W spewed the most hateful things at me from: "she did not love me, she had stopped loving me many years before that, the only reason she stayed was because we started having kids, she was not attracted to me, being intimate with me was horrible and more like a job. Anyway you get the picture.

I drew the line with her friendship with OM but that made matters worse. She refused to give up OM and said she was not sure she wanted to stay M'd. Over the next 6-8 wks I made all the big mistakes that are so unattractive. Then I found information about MLC then WAW and later WW. 2nd BD she said she wanted to S. But she never moved out and I won't. 3rd BD in May she said she wants a D. Nothing filed yet but I suspect to be served any time. In the mean time OM is very much in the picture. They communicate all the time. Originally secretively hiding and carrying phone everywhere when that never was the case. She is now openly meeting him and corralling support from friends ( mostly new friends ) in favor of their relationship. She stopped being intimate shortly after BD1. She is very conscience of her looks more so than normal. She spewed constantly for almost 6 months. I stopped reacting in June so things are more civil now. I am trying to detach but struggling very hard with it. I do know that I do not want this marriage anymore. Would I reconcile? Yes, but things have to be different. Not like it is now.

Anyway, I'm sorry I'm rambling but I have to vent. Sorry about that. I will give more info. Just not sure what is appropriate right now.

ROE