MLC, WAW or WW?? Who really knows? Help...pls

[RosaLinda]

Sorry to hear your story Roe. We all understand your pain. Sorry also that I am not a vet, but am willing to listen

My sitch... I am 8 months post BD. My wife is deep into the grip of an EA and possibly has gone PA, confirmed Jan/2016. I did suspect something a few months earlier but was keeping myself in denial. Our marriage has not been a bad one. Until 1st BD I would have said it was a very good marriage. Since BD and many painful days and conversations after , I really question myself. Either because I should take her spewing seriously or even if there are nuggets of truth in her words and actions, then our marriage of 24 yrs was a fraud.

That sounds just like the same stuff we all go thru. I think our spouses, whether they are having a mid life crisis, or just decided to walk away, feel the need to justify their actions to themselves and their friends and family. She would not get much sympathy if she told you, and everyone else, that Roe is a heck of a nice guy, but she just decided to have an EA and PA anyway, would she?

But.....about those possible nuggets of truth. This is what DBing is really about. Figuring out what really is true that your wife is complaining about, and then doing something about it. Accepting that you are responsible for 50% (but NOT more than that) of your marital problems. And then making yourself into the best Roe you can be. For yourself and your kids, not for her.

For example, my ex said he had stopped loving me because I was too short, and that I waited until I was done cleaning the house to take a shower in the morning. Not valid spewing. But on the other hand, I have found that I, and many others here, am a co-dependent enabling fixer. It's something that was hard to have to recognize about myself, but I feel that now that I'm becoming a better person by working on it.

What are your wife's complaints?