Their is nothing wrong with asking. The thing is if she refuses or the counseling fails, you need to keep your EXPECTATIONS low.
Keep having HOPE but zero expectations. OK?
That sounds very difficult. How does a person go about doing such a thing?
-PM
I will steal something that I read recently and POST it here
Quote:
If I could, I would like to discuss the difference between hope and expectations, because I 100% agree with you about hope and I 100% agree with the other poster about expectations. Two words that are often considered synonymous. Let me explain by starting with their definitions, and then mix in a bit of my own MLC experience and what we think we know about their state of mind.
Just picture for a second, two couples in your head. Both young and happily married. Couple 1 says they are hoping for a baby. Couple 2 says they are expecting a baby. Consider their psychological challenges if they don't have a baby. Consider if either will be more happy with a baby.
Hope: Noun -- the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best Verb -- to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence
Expectation Noun -- the state of expecting Verb (Expecting) -- to look for with reason or justification
While these two words are often synonymous, I truly believe our MLCers can sense the difference between Expectations and Hope.
Expectations in the MLC world often carry an LBSer's sense of entitlement -- In my own situation, I often told my wife that I expected her to come back to me because... I was far better for her than the alienator. (Judgemental) I was the loyal husband who put in my time, and deserved her loyalty. (Entitled) A vow before God and family had been made. (Moral) .....I could go on and on. Point is that every time I voiced those expectations we would go months without talking about R again. When I changed to expressing hope, results changed for me.
To an MLCer, expectation can feel like a cage... the mathematically appropriate decision, or the socially acceptable outcome. These are all things MLCers are fleeing and abandoning.
Hope is also sensed by our MLCers. Detected sometimes in touch and gos, or anchor tests. Hope is Expectations without Judgement (you're making a dumb decision you'll regret) Morality (the wrong decision) or Entitlement (I deserve better) factors. I often wonder if the purpose of those contacts is, subconsciously, to determine which of these two states we are in.
Always hold on to hope. Be careful of expectations. They often carry the corrosive elements from above, and trigger flight inducing panic attacks in your broken MLCer.
