"I refuse to do any snooping or spying and haven't done so since I read her texts and confronted her. I've found that putting any energy into snooping is just detrimental to my own mental state. "
I'm going to have to go against this here and say that in your case, you should snoop to protect yourself. Not necessarily your mental state, but your financial stability. You have a young S and your W is amazingly candid in saying that she has no problem using you. Someone like that will leave you broke and destitute. And you'll be left homeless because you were being the "nice guy".
Lock down your finances and DO NOT let her use you like that. I mean if she gets what she wants and you give her everything she asks for, why would she want to change?
Mr Bond, thanks for the straight talk--it's helpful and food for thought. In the past, I couldn't have imagined such a thing, but in the mirror universe world I'm living in right now I do feel like anything is possible. I pay all the bills and have all the passwords to manage the accounts. She is a part-time waitress and takes home cash every night that she spends on groceries, household things, clothes for herself, and going out. She usually deposits some money into the joint account but hasn't lately.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I have set up a "free ride" situation for her, where she doesn't have to worry about finances (my income covers everything) and can act like a rebellious teenager!
I am setting up an individual account for myself and having a chunk of my income direct deposited into it, as well as some income from a second night job I'm starting in a couple of weeks.
I refuse to snoop because I don't want to put emotional energy into it. Instead I am working to get my ducks in a row so that if or when she tells me shes seeing other people, I can tell her she needs to be independent and set up her own household somewhere else.
Your posts and those of others have given me a great outside perspective though, and have made me increasingly aware of how much I'm letting her eat cake. I need to start working on ways to reverse that which are firm and but non-vindictive.
