I think she wants to keep everything exactly the same for now only be divorced. She just doesn't get what is going on. I don't think she understands the reality of the situation. I almost laughed when she told me what she wanted to do. She kept insisting to me that we could make this divorce work "her way".
I think she can be a good mother but some times she just seems like she isn't interested. She is often tired and on the weekends its not uncommon for her to take a nap for a couple of hours while I'm with the kids. I used to think she was just tired from working so much but the more I think about it, I think she just wanted to get away and some alone time for herself.
I will admit that after talking to her the last couple of weeks I don't think I know the person I married. She has opened up and told me things about her past that I've never known in the 12 years we've been together. I commented to her the other night that I liked to learn things about her and she said she never thought I was interested and I never asked. She is learning a lot of things from her therapy about her past that she may have hid away and it's coming out now. I knew she was always angry at her dad for the divorce but I can't believe the anger she had for her stepdad (who was the one to really raise her). She is angry at him for dying on her and abandoning her. The man died of ALS and spent the last 4 years of his life angry and depressed and she is holding it against him. I don't understand this way of thinking.
She also discussed being raped in college by a boyfriend. She had mentioned this briefly when we first started dating and I asked about it then but it was obvious that she didn't want to talk about it. I didn't really know what to do so I never brought it up again until she mentioned it the other night. She also explained to me that she hates sex. She said it was not me, but she has always hated it no matter who she was with. She said she found it disgusting but she didn't understand why. I asked her if she thought the rape might have played a role but she said she didn't know.
I understand that I have been weak with her and not wanted conflict. I just hate conflict, but I understand by not addressing things with her I have contributed to where we are now.
As far as being a Stay Home Dad. I did not do anything for income. She makes very good money and never wanted me to do anything but raise the kids. I have brought up getting a part time job when both kids are in school, but she has never pushed me. In fact, one of the reasons she wants me to live with her and raise the kids is because she said she doesn't want them in daycare and she says I'm a great dad. I of course told her that was not going to happen and I am going to get a job should we divorce. She keeps saying she doesn't want that.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
