When she announced that she didn't want to get a D because of the financial reprocussions she'd face, but "wanted to start living like a single woman as soon as possible," I almost threw up. I had never heard anything so disrespectful and inconsiderate in my life, honestly. I replied that the loss of that support was what would happen if she were truly single, and being single is what she said would make her happy. I smiled when I said it but I was terse. She said I was being angry and that that was unfair.
Can you see how twisted her thinking has become?
Personally, I think you changed the dynamics the minute you agreed to live in a room of the house. After she explained her reasons for staying M, what did you hope to gain by giving her what she wanted? Whatever it was, strike through it, b/c it's not going to work. Living in an "in-house" separation with a wayward wife just doesn't work in favor of the H.
Have you read the threads that Cadet sent you?
Hi, Sandi, thanks for your comment. I really value your directness. I've been reading up on all your posts and they are sobering but enlightening insights. Thank you for devoting so much time to sharing your experiences for everyone.
Yes, her thinking has become incredibly twisted. Her morals have become so skewed and selfish right now it's appalling. She doesn't at all resemble the person I fell in love with or married. I am trying to wrap my head around the thinking of the WW.
In all honesty looking back, the dynamic of our R really changed with the birth of our S when W fell into some pretty heavy postpartum depression (she still may be dealing with this.) at that point everything began to revolving around W's needs and emotional states. It was a precedent that still seems to continue and I am focusing on how to change and concentrate on myself.
You are right about the different dynamic after returning home. On a certain level I think I was hoping that if I was in the house, our communication and connection might improve. So foolish of me. but it seems the opposite has happened. When We were staying apart, after I would leave from watching our S, she would inevitably text me some random question once I had left. Now she communicates even less and avoids even utilitarian conversations. I have been good about letting her initiate contact tho.
At this point I do think it would be best for everyone and the M. If she wants to live like a single independent woman, she ought to be independent and figure out how to support herself. My issue is that I agreed to the current arrangement and don't want to suddenly flip-flop and go back on my word at random. I don't like being erratic. Then again, she doesn't seem to mind going back on her word and doing whatever she pleases.
We have MC today and perhaps an opportunity will arise to address the living arrangement. I working on becoming cool and unflappable in anticipation.
I have been working my way through Cadets posts and it is helpful and eye opening. Detaching is the hardest bit. I feel like I'm having success but then realize I'm slipping up. This is like some serious Zen work!
