Detachment and the end of limbo, sort of...too

[Sotto]

Four L's - heck! I would keep things calm and steady at your end. Use your L wisely and be clear about achieving reasonable outcomes - persist towards those.

XH suggested a few daft settlements, but once he saw a L, he proposed a reasonable one, and I agreed to that. Then he went back to a couple of daft ones, but we reminded of the reasonable one and that's what we settled for.

There were things I let go of - 000's spent on visiting OW and I felt he overestimated his incoming assets (mine were clear and undisputable.) However, overall I feel it was fair. XH of course may feel I stripped him of many assets....but I feel at peace with how things unfolded. Ultimately we went for a simple formula (suggested by XH) - total assets - minus my incoming (I keep) minus XH incoming (he keeps) and the rest shared 50/50.

I also had in mind the agreed death benefits. Had he died (ie: no fault of his own, during the M, I would have received around this amount). Again that felt fair. Also guiding me was the thought - I'm not going to be cheated on AND stitched up in a settlement.

But I was pretty calm and minimal throughout - though I used to spin a little when I had to persist for what I felt was right...

Hope some of this helps anyway and it sounds like you are doing well. These are difficult times that will get better.

(((Hugs)))) xx