thanks everyone! coaching session went well. I always feel better after that or IC. I feel like my batteries have been "reset" and I can continue on this long path.
NYGal- thank you! your post was just what I needed to stop debating on what to do, and just follow my gut and heart!
I picked up D after work. took her to library to get homework done, checked out some books then off to the park to catch pokemon until it was time to drop her off. We had a great time. D is a great kid. D mentioned W was at home all day, no school I guess. D also mentioned W expected me to come inside last friday, I had no idea. D said W was making dinner, D asked why I couldn't stay, I said I had work. Dropped of D, I walked straight upstairs into kitchen where W was and gave her a hug. My gosh, It was one of the best hugs ever. We hadn't hugged like that since before BD. I'm only 1-2 inches taller, so we fit soooo perfectly together. Nothing needed to be said, we hugged tightly. I pulled away from hug because generally W pulls away ever since BD (they make her uncomfortable) I looked at W straight in the eyes, (W stopped holding my gaze since BD too) but she held it. I saw her pupils dilate when looking at me. (I used to tell her I could see the love she has for me by just staring in her eyes, I don't know if I saw it, It could've been hurt and pain) regardless, I felt a connection. My stomach dropped and I got butterflies. Then I smiled. We small talked, I told her she looked good. W blew it off, saying she looked like "crap" because she sat around all day crying. Family game night resumes this sunday. I had to go to my side job. W insisted I take dinner to go, she asked 3 times before I agreed. I said good bye to D. walked back to kitchen and W hugged me. again, strong connection, (at least in my part) strong long grip. This time as we hugged W asked "are you ok" and I said yes. because in that moment, I truly was. I texted her later that dinner was delicious. no reply. perhaps I was temp checking? W is not the best cook, In our M I made sure she knew I was the superior cook. mistakes. I know. Which is also why I wanted to congratulate her dinner.
My W is very much there. Looking sad as heck. Hurt and in pain.
