The Fight for Self II

[CT1118]

No solutions, validation: After speaking w/ WW and offering what I said earlier in an email about being there to listen, she replied back "yup". My thought was she is oblivious, but something will come in later - it did. Two hours after that she wrote "...sorry I was so short earlier"....blah, etc. I validated heavy and referred to the way she handled s4 where she assumed I would not have approved in her initial email:

"What you did below, I was not thinking you were rewarding his bad behavior. I was thinking how gentle it is that you love him so much and just want him to be alright, even when he can’t understand. You did the right thing. There are no promotions or awards for the job you do with him. But you are great at this job [name of WW], you are an excellent mother. It makes me proud to know our son has you beside him and I truly mean that."

I sent it after WW left work, so no reply, might not get one - either way I learn what work or what does not. However, I meant it. It is in the best interest of my s4 that I keep her R w/ him well. I have read before here that this position from the LBS is not always understood, but the way I see the world is thru lenses that have my toddler imprinted on them. If I have to suffer setbacks or personal defeat to promote his better world, so be it. Again though, I meant it; she has failed me, perhaps even herself, but not necessarily him up to this point. I cannot control her, only myself and my response was controlled and with a goal to help her in helping him.

Would think all with small kids in similar sitch's would understand when I say that I would burn this whole earth into the dirt and still protect s4's mom if it meant he was better at the end of the day. I did not offer help, as I cannot w/out telling her what she is doing wrong and what I do right w/ s4. I take no pleasure in observing her struggle w/ him. All I can do is gently validate and remain detached.