I am here to help you work through this because I too struggle at every interaction with my W. The first thing I would do is read "The star is inside of YOU! " by ericmsant2 - every day. I love this post and have recommended numerous times. I may have already recommended it to you (Sorry if I am repetitious). It seems like a lot of your anxiety is related to fear. Fear of the consequences of your actions. Fear of how you will be perceived. Fear of making the wrong decision. Our Ws have hurt us and we fear they can hurt us again. Do you think your W agonizes over every text she sends you? Cut yourself some slack. You are allowed to make decisions and you are allowed to make mistakes. Get over your own guilt and insecurities as much as you can. How many of your fears actually materialized?
Quote:
Now its just a matter of when to communicate this with W.
What difference does it make. Just send your reply. Be quick and decisive. You are going to have frequent communications with your W - unfortunately - because of the kids. Deep down, you know what you want, you know what your bests interests are, and you know what is in the best interests of the children. Don't second guess yourself. Mulling over the texts and letting them affect you impedes your detachment. You are no longer in the same home. Court orders are in place. What can your W do to you? What are you afraid of? Are you afraid that she won't like you or that she'll think you are a pr**k? What difference does it make? Her opinion of you no longer matters. Are you afraid she will poison your children against you? She can try, but it won't work if you are the best dad in the world. It seems like you and I have a lot of the same fears. They are holding us back.
If you want to elaborate on your fears, with the intent of dissecting them and disposing of them, perhaps we can delve a little further. It may be therapeutic for both of us. You sound like a really nice guy. I think we have to stop being so nice.
