The Fight for Self II

[CT1118]

I think this is where the literature about narcissism is helpful. My W also rejects professional help. She thinks they're all quacks. She believes they might help normal people but she's above all of that. She'd rather self-medicate and numb herself every night w/ mj. I think all of that is rooted in extreme insecurity. To get help from a professional is to open yourself up, make yourself vulnerable to some level of examination by another person. She fears judgment to an extreme degree (while being very judgmental herself). So, to protect herself from having to do that, to give herself reason to say No to help, she makes herself believe they're quacks and she's above them. Which, I believe, is a form a narcissism.

Interesting point FG. I am going to think about it.

As an introvert, it's always hard to take everything out of your head and explain it either in the details or you take for granted that some things should be obvious. I've felt awkward in trying to validate feelings, and show I'm listening instead of trying to fix and the therapist noted a few examples I gave and she said they were really good. It helps to get a seal of approval for something like that!

RSG - progress on the WW saying that! About the introvert thing; that's it brother, that is it. It is awkward to validate, not try to fix while easy to over-explain and think the world is obvious. You nailed it. Part of why my W left, she said as much, she just never connected it to my introversion.

So on the "try to fix part". Yesterday I spoke of talking to a stranger woman for 3 hours. At some point I had mentioned having a son enough to where she asked my story. I told her. She started crying. I said "are you crying over my story or am I reminding you of something from your own life?" She answered both and then she told me of an EA she had that almost tore her and her H apart. I asked her what led to that and she said, "the number one thing guys do that all women hate - he tried to fix everything. He would never just listen, only repair. Women want men to listen sometimes." "Sometimes." I said. "But sometimes you want us to be men and take care of business, how should we know when to do one over the other?" She replied "if its my car, fix it, if its my friend, or family, or work - just listen." So there is my passing of advice boys. Stands out in my head because it made a lot of sense about me. Exactly why I had no advice for my W today when she was upset, I just listened.