Being good at disagreement

[Painter]

Zues,

You said "scared, controlled, hurt, or make sacrifices".

Those, IMO, fall into different categories. Scared would mean you are abused. You should never accept feeling scared of your partner, especially if it happens more than once. If your partner scares you, he or she needs to work on their emotional regulation.

Controlled can be abusive but also a feeling that a non-committed partner can blame to have an A (like my WH did).

Being hurt or making sacrifices happen in every relationship. If you feel hurt a lot, I would say it's time to see a MC. Some people may take things too personally, others may express themselves in a hurtful manner without realizing it. If the hurt is inflicted intentionally, it becomes abuse.

There's also the issue of combination of partners. If both come from a home where loud yelling is the way to handle conflict, they'll probably be fine with it. If one comes from that kind of home and the other comes from a FOO where calm conversation or even sweeping things under the rug was the norm, it's going to feel overwhelming or even abusive for the more quiet partner.

But I don't think you should judge all relationships based on your experience. I personally don't know a single woman who has left her H due to abuse.