The Woman is Pure Evil

[J5K]

RDS,

Sorry to hear about how one sided things are. The system is really messed up. Bad behavior should not be awarded but society has accepted bad behavior as the norm.

[AndrewP]

A couple of things that I've heard / believe about this process and I think that RDS's story validates at least some of them. We all need to be careful "everywhere" - even here.

- Educate yourself
- Document ONLY that you wish to prove including online, text messages and post-it notes.
- Don't be an @ss
- Court is theatre
- (I've been told) female lawyers tend to do better in court

I'm not saying that RDS broke any of these "rules" but was certainly screwed over by the 3rd point.

On a good note this is only a temporary support arrangement. It could be used as a basis for a final decision and I believe that it often is but the fight's not over yet.

Good luck RDS - you're not finished yet!

[RDS]

AndrewP,

I thought I educated myself well. Everybody in the courtroom yesterday except me and the bailiff was a woman.

I was very polite. I wanted to scream at the judge when she wouldn't let me talk about the financial declaration, but I kept my emotions in check. I felt like I was dealing with Judge Judy.

One of the things that really bugs me and rips at my heart is how my W used my DB against me. She wrote in her affidavit I was going out and meeting people and I never did that with her before. She also complained how I set up a savings account and I never did that before either. I recently told her I set up the savings account so I could put away money monthly so when big bills come due I would have the money there and I wouldn't have to pay it in a lump sum. When my W handled the bills she never could stick with putting money away for a rainy day.

Also, as I mentioned earlier, she used my DB apology letter against me. That hurt the worst. It came from my heart and I meant every word of it. I did not want to point fingers at who was at fault of our M breakdown, but if you read the apology letter it looks as if I admit to everything.

She even had her brother write a statement how cold and mean I was to her and he recounted something from 15 years ago! I don't even remember what he was going on about.

I didn't think my W was going through a MLC, but maybe she is. I don't know. All I know is I'm paying dearly for it, just because I'm a man and I make more than she does. No matter what I will have to pay her alimony and I will have a noose around my neck until I die and she won't have to worry about money again as long as I'm alive.

Where is the equality in that?

[ForGump]

RDS--

I realize this really hurts but I just keep coming back to your lawyer. He's getting paid to make the best case for you. *He* should have done his homework on who the judge is and her disposition, *he* should have known what the possible issues are w/ your financial statements, *he* should have represented those issues in the best light, *he* should have anticipated how your DB activities & letters might have been used against you.

I think you have to have some tough conversations w/ your lawyer. Maybe consider another one.

[RDS]

I guess one good thing to come out of the judgement yesterday was my W only gets 10 percent of my 401k's value from the day of the filing. I thought for sure I would half of it's value to her.

[RDS]

RDS--

I realize this really hurts but I just keep coming back to your lawyer. He's getting paid to make the best case for you. *He* should have done his homework on who the judge is and her disposition, *he* should have known what the possible issues are w/ your financial statements, *he* should have represented those issues in the best light, *he* should have anticipated how your DB activities & letters might have been used against you.

I think you have to have some tough conversations w/ your lawyer. Maybe consider another one.

I agree completely. I do not think I got adequate representation. My problem is, I can't afford another L now. I've already paid my L's fees. My L said my W's L doesn't like to go to court and it shows. I responded by she did a damn good job of sticking it to me with her "ineptitude". We did not see the information beforehand. We didn't get it until 30 minutes before the hearing. I don't know if that's normal or not, so there really wasn't time to do anything.

My L had great reviews on multiple sites and I felt comfortable with her. I just felt I was on my own in the courtroom.

[ForGump]

I just felt I was on my own in the courtroom.

*That's* the problem! You should've felt like your L completely took care of you. I think you have to tell her to fix the problem.

BTW, you paid your L a "retainer," right? Probably in the $5k range? It is my understanding that there are "refundable" and "non-refundable" retainers. Unless your L is some hotshot, it's probably refundable. That is, they charge their hourly rate against the retainer, and any remaining can be/will be refunded.

[RDS]

I will have to go through the contract and see how much time is left and see if there is any money remaining. I seriously doubt there is.

[RAI]

RD,

I need to come back to your thread. I will read it when I get a chance. My W is pulling some serious shtick. Perhaps we can get through this together and restore our faith in mankind when this is over.

Best,

RAI

[RDS]

Thanks RAI. I think I may need it.