Pathway Change

[Coconut]

bluboy, I feel for you buddy. I can't imagine how devastating it was to see the texts you saw and learn that your W had not been completely truthful. If you have truly decided that you want to be with your W, then that is what you need to focus on, because everything else will drive you nuts.

Let me ask you this. Why did you feel the need to figure out how to retrieve deleted texts? Do you snoop often, and if so, why? What is the real reason that you felt like you needed to check?

So you found out she wasn't completely truthful, I would say that is a bit of an issue, because you want to have a happy / healthy MR going forward, and secrets is not the way to make that happen. I would sit down with W and let her know that she needs to be completely open and honest with any other secrets, that you finding out spaced out over time makes the process much harder rather than being able to just process everything and then start moving forward.

I also imagine you need time to focus on you. I know how emotionally draining piecing is, and sometimes you can lose yourself in constant work it takes.. Then something like this happens and can make you question everything. If you need time, tell your W you need time, make it clear that your intent is to work on you so you'll be better for her, and that you are not taking time to figure out if you want to be with her, you know what you want and are trying to get your head straight to give it the best chance.

Your likely high on emotions right now, don't make any big decisions to end it or punish her for what she's done. Take space, really think things through. You can do this.