Detachment and the end of limbo, sort of...too

[Phoebe]

So yesterday was a better day, and then today has been sort of middling thus far. Talked to a L and then l-friend and ended up feeling enough anger for WH's actions lately that it triggered me to start crying again. Anger and someone I care about leads to tears for me. Yuck.

I've had significant contact with my legal team since I was served, and there is this feeling of new-found urgency that is making things feel much worse. WH has found a new out of state L who is apparently much more aggressive, and, conveniently, expensive, and also a L that is local, so now there are 4 Ls hard at work. Sigh. What a freaking nightmare this has turned into. So much for the man who wanted to make sure everything we did was "collaborative." I am just back to feeling utterly disgusted by this whole thing and I am so ready to be at a point where I don't have to think about this every single day. There is something just deeply unsettling about having to strategize against someone that I spent 25 years sharing my life with, because I know that he's doing the same. He has one advantage, however, I think he's been building strategy for a long time, whereas all this is all brand new for me.

Now, hey presto, I'm the opponent? WTF?

I did a bunch more legal tasks for that rapidly-expanding set of requirements, and then I drove out to meet L-friend for a bike ride, during which we were flagged down by R-friend. (She was actually the person that introduced me to him- she's back in my camp again, in case Iforgot to mention that. She invited me to a dinner party at her place on Sunday, which was great.) We all talked for a bit, and then l-friend and I headed off for a nice dinner. We'd both been having a pretty tough day, so it was good to get outdoors and get some good exercise and then be able to spend some time talking.

Today I was just having a hard time with the sheer amount of time, money, and life energy that this D process is eating up. It is truly absurd in every single way. L-friend assures me that it will probably be wrapped up by the end of the year, but I have significant doubts. He is also urging me to consider contacting WH to discuss the need to stop the madness and start talking about how we can get this wrapped up in the quickest and least expensive way. Let me just say that the idea of contacting WH directly makes me feel kind of ill. I'm all about choosing the high road, and right now, I fear that if I see or talk to him that I might be tempted to stray from the dignified path. My little bit of simmering anger might turn into a raging volcano, given the opportunity, particularly after the process service episode. Theres nothing like being treated like a criminal to stoke the fire.

As usual, it's super late (2:30), and I need to hit the hay. One of these day I am going to try to be in bed by midnight. Dare to dream...

I