NYGal: Together Again and Happy!

[Painter]

I don't know how to change me. I've set boundaries and the consequences are I rage against her and humanity all in one breath. Today they were in a meeting together and ow sat down RIGHT NEXT TO W. Does this sound like W has conveyed any NC at all? W called to tell me that, and I blew up and hung up. Then it occurred to me, and I'm not being too dramatic I don't think, that I feel like a rape victim. With apologies to rape victims, because I can't really feel your pain, it feels like W is consorting with the rapist. And it brings up the trauma of the affair and the despair all over again. Why can't she see that even acknowledging that woman's presence feels like she is being validated. And of course ow has no sense to stay the eff away. She took her place at W's side like she belongs there, and it is NOT ok with me.

But how do I enforce anything? I tell her it's not ok and she says she didn't do anything wrong. ow sat down next to her. W refuses to discuss what to do. For me, it's simple. You could say, that seat is taken. Simple.

I know ow will continue to literally or figuratively take her place at W's side. Because she has to win. She has no moral fiber at all. She has dated 4 different people at our workplace and she just keeps getting away with all kinds of sh!t. And she's the head of HR, for god's sake!!!!! You'd think she might decide to keep her panties on with co-workers for that reason alone.

I'm so damn frustrated, I can't even begin to tell you...

You got to get your temper under control. If you keep blowing up on W, she will pull away.

I would like to know why she told you. Does she do it to be transparent or is it to push your buttons? I don't know your W but if she won't set boundaries and is a people-pleaser, it is possible that she displays some passive-aggressive behavior.

If I were you, I would try to avoid any R talk outside counseling right now, if you are going regularly. Ask W to not tell you about her interactions with OW outside counseling sessions. Then your MC can help you explain to W why this triggers reactions in you and why it feels inappropriate.

The time the two of you spend together should be positive.