Today, I had a great day with my son. I gave him my 110%. I completely focused on him and his behavior was so much better. He is hurting and doesn't understand and how can he not be affected by my feelings these past few years...poor kid.
I recognize that I am continuing some bad cycles...zues pointed it out and yes, I am totally catastrophising. I am focusing on what husband is doing and has done and staying really mad.
Zues, it is interesting that you have identified my husband's actions as a power struggle. When I was talking to my DB coach a long time ago, she had mentioned that as well...especially regarding the child support. i have given up on fighting him and trying to convince him of anything back in April. I would be fine if I didn't have to bother with him at all. I no longer want him as a partner. The less communication, the better for me. I only talk to him when I absolutely have to.
But at the same time, I am struggling with the perceived injustice of it all. My son told me how he brought him and grandmother to a cheese shop where daddy's friend with purple hair brought them food... Now my husband never went to artesian cheese shops to eat. And it really bothers me that he is bringing son around to girls to probably show off how cute my son is. Perhaps he thinks it makes him look like a good father? And then I remember how he criticized me for not being ambitious enough???? That ambition would make me more attractive!!! I went to school for years to do what i do and he's dating a cheese shop girl?? Not that there anything wrong with that... But how dare he insult me that way when I was raising our son in addition to working? I just think he is trash and I am angry and I have been angry and sometimes it's really hard for me to let it go.
I am mad that people are capable of this. I know I am catastrophizing but I am really angry that there's a good chance next guy will do something like this. How does one know?
Mustard seed, you keep seeing red flags. But those are so hard. I think about how my dad grew up with a bipolar mom and abusive dad with parents that fought all the time, yet he was a loyal and devoted husband. If someone told me that story I would see that as a red flag. My husband did not even know about his families dysfunction so I didn't see the red flags. And I am so thrown off by that.
