Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 3)

[JRuss]

Continue to do the things that get a positive response, but don't do things just to get a positive response. If it benefits you, go ahead and do it. You need to stop seeing this as a "fight". There is no winner or loser. And nothing is black and white. There are alot of gray areas that you are going to have to navigate through.

I get what you're saying intellectually. The urge to view it as a fight, as in I'm fighting to save something (the marriage, my children's' lives with two parents in the home) is strong, but I'll work on that.

"My W has essentially hired a very expensive Validator who makes her money "supporting" women as the divorce their husbands."

So? You can't stop that from happening and it's really none of your business what your W does. She has a right to do what she feels is best for her as much as you do. Control only the things that are in your control. Leave crazy be and instead of just being the lighthouse, be the rock for your kids.

It irritates me that community assets might be getting spent to help blow up that community, but I realize this is a pretty immature and not productive line of thought. I really appreciate you weighing in -- you seem like you've figured a lot of this out.