Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 3)

[JRuss]

The 58.7% is a function of her taking a harder job after playing second fiddle for me for the preceding 10 years. Stepping up my game was a 180 on my part to be supportive of her career; she has cited my apathy/worry I expressed when she first raised the topic of changing jobs about what that would do for the family stress-wise as a big injury to her. The funny this is that the more I take on, the happier I feel. More tired, certainly, but not always internalizing these feelings that I'm not pulling my weight and feeling bad about myself.

Re the IC, I think she feels a lot of guilt over what she wants to do to the marriage/family and is looking for help working through it and not feeling guilty. My point, if asked, would be that she's feeling guilt because she knows she hasn't done anything to try to save or even work on the marriage -- at least not outside of the space between her own ears. In other words, your conscience is telling you something for a reason!

I'm up for that convention for sure. Maybe we will all be able to bring new spouses or girlfriends if we end up among the "war-dead".