Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 3)

[JRuss]

She could move out, and almost did at the end of June. I'd be better off on a strictly personal/healing level, right now, if she had, but I'm still stuck on not wanting to do anything my children would construe as Dad kicking Mom out, or even doing anything to facilitate it, frankly. She's going to do what she's going to do, and the best I feel like I can hope for is that my kids one day understand I stood for the marriage and the four of us.

My desire and urge is to fight; to do something affirmatively to reverse the momentum of how the R is going (which seems against me at the moment). That's the hardest thing for me: trusting that DBing maximizes (but doesn't guarantee) the chances of some sort of turnaround. A lot of it seems so passive and not action-oriented, although I understand that these are major changes I'm making for me. I find it quite hard to know that the marriage clock keeps ticking, she's out doing things to make D happen, and I'm not doing much except staying the course, which got me exactly here, where I don't want to be.