The Fight for Self II

[CT1118]

So, GAL. GAL's do make one feel better. Did Gym today for 45 minutes, felt great. Went to work - had full intention to focus, kicked the door down on focus - much done. Only logged into this site once, which is good - for most of July easily spent 3 hours here while at work. Of course, as previously mentioned - did IC today, always good GAL (PS Andrew P - very good point on the self-selecting population; my IC was referring to some things which truly do appear to be unique w/ my WW from a psychological approach - yet I have not the energy or concern for explaining at this time, beg your mercy sir). Everyone here was right, I was very hard on myself the other days - it lasted. I made a choice not to be today, it was a choice.

WW and I did have contact today. I decided to try something slightly different than in the past, but again, no energy for explaining right now.

Best GAL for today...left work - 85 degrees on the southern coast in August, a rare thing below 95 this time of year. Went skateboarding along the ocean. Listening to a podcast about overcoming an unwillingness to speak to strangers - if you have followed me, you know this has been a struggle with a goal. On way back to my vehicle stopped off at a tiki-bar, intent was water, 2 drinks - speak to whomever came near me, male or female...just...fking...converse! Male bartender, opened up small talk, he left for a customer. Female bartender walked by - stopped her, 10 minutes of talk. Woman in the bar representing a local brewery - engaged, spoke for three hours nonstop. No bathroom, no pause, no awkward silence...solid talking, had no idea that was coming. After 30 minutes, she said her husband was there to which I replied "believe me, I am the last if not only dude in this place who would betray that trust right now. Where is he, introduce me." She did and he left and her and I continued.

She was quite pretty, but its all about goals and my goal was not phone numbers, ego strokes, or hooking up. Goal was to engage strangers, see if I could. Believe me, going back into the world after the WW forces you to brush your teeth w/ sht is hard enough, being an introverted scattered mind is worse. However, as said before - challenge the self, so I did and I managed to have a good time with just talking. Home, food, dog walk. Felt good to get back to getting a life.

Won't have s4 (who will be known as s5 really soon) again until Thursday. Will miss him horrible until.