That's right. Laws are different from place to place but where I'm from, the one that files is most motivated and ends up paying more. In my sitch, I will be stalling things as long as possible so that there is more time to let him come out of the fog.
Yeah I should just wait it out. As difficult as it is with her coming and going and trying to antagonizing me whenever she gets a chance. My worry is that once she has some money, she will talk to an attorney and change her mind on what we have agreed to.
So it looks like I am going in on Wednesday to meet with lawyer and draft up legal separation papers. She will not move until we have something signed and all we are doing is fighting and it is so horribly uncomfortable, etc.
I said we will revisit everything in 6 months and go from there. I guess I will spend those 6 months trying to better myself, hoping that she does the same and comes to her senses.
If not, well then I tried and we will move for divorce.
Not sure what else to do. I literally cannot take this anymore. I suppose I am very weak to be giving in and not holding out but I just don't know what to do anymore. The anger and hatred and infidelity, etc is just too much for it to be in my face all day and around my children.
I should also add that right now she is willing to sign the agreement right now with a 70/30 split on the kids so I have them more. I feel like if I wait too long she is going to change her mind and it will go to court and it will end up 50/50.
So things are better as I initiated apologies. My DB book came today and I have somewhat of a renewed hope in this relationship being reconciled. I am anxious to share with my wife but I know I should not do that. But we are about to file legal separation papers and my parents are about to give her 4 grand to get out and leave the house alone. I fear that the 4k will come back to haunt us.
Also going to add that I have had a hard time putting the book down. I am so amazed at how much of it is like a window into our marriage. I may have been born female, but my communication skills and thought patterns are very male and in reading some of the info in the beginning I can see how we have had such a breakdown in connecting.
I am so tempted to share the first couple of chapters of DB with my wife. Please someone tell me not to because I feel like it would change her mind...
It says "I'm right, you're wrong", not a good way to handle conflict with a partner that feels unheard. It would come across as diminishing to her feelings, selfish, controlling, and it would make any future efforts you put into personal growth be interpreted as manipulation by you.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Halfway through DB and realizing some seriously messed up sh*t. Like a window into our marriage.
I am holding strong now with LRT for the most part. Spent the afternoon with my BIL who is only 200 yrds from my house. Him and his wife are rooting for me big time. Helping with how my wife might be thinking. My BIL isnvery close with his sister (my wife) but he feels that we will work it out. That's definitely good support. I love him very much. Went out for a bit and enjoyed myself then came home. Wife and I talked about some stuff but I never brought up the future , etc. She said "im not saying there isnt a chance and Im not saying there is" and then went on about some of her past stuff from family and relationships. I listened carefully, despite being slightly buzzed. I also explained that there is no money for the attorney right now as I am trying to buy time before she moves out.
Overall, i would say tonight was somewhat successful.
Oh and she shared that yesterday night she got drunk and pissed herself at the park...alone...
Because I did get in her face when things got heated. I would never lay a hand on her but i Was, admittedly trying to get her to hit me. Lost it yesterday. Wkll not again.
