A WW? (3)

[lt0402]

Thanks Sandi. You are correct, other than having to deal with my anger a week ago there have been no consequences for her. I did tell her today that in no circumstance is OM going to be in my house or around my D. She laughed it off, said that it wasn't what I thought it was, and she not careless or stupid and would never put our D in that situation.

With us in the same house, I'm not fully sure how to force her into things. I don't let her disrespect me in front of D or in private without calling her out about it anymore. That's stopped most of the eye rolling and looks/exasperated sighs. I attempted to get her out of mbr but we ended up at each other's throats, with neither of us budging. Leaves us awkwardly sharing a bed again now. The only way I can see to force consequences on her is by telling her we need to sell the house and find separate living arrangements if she won't stop seeing OM. Then I tell her that custody is not the 90/10 split she envisions. That would be a bomb drop though, but maybe that's what we need. There's a rationale behind that in the below.

2 minute conversation turned into an hour. W went into how I hadn't been listening to her and D tonight. Also went into how D is hesitant to go with me bc she doesn't fully trust me. W tried to get me for not listening to her instructions on the inhaler, but I recited them back word for word. Got it, good to go...

After that, W started reading screen shots of conversations with one of her friends on Facebook. They discussed how unhappy she was going back to last August and how in April W started talking to friend about Divorce. Then W says May 6th to friend that D tells her she doesn't want me living in house anymore (W has been saying that happened early April to this point). W then goes into the timeline of OM and her starting to talk May 13, and how she wouldn't be stupid enough to throw away 11 yrs of M on him. Same story as previous conversations. Interesting this time that W would bring screenshots and tell me what dates they were from.

W went into how she'd sit in parking lots for years in her car crying bc she didn't want to come home to me. W tells me how I've crushed Ds trust. W uses an example of me eating one of Ds string cheeses and lying about it (don't remember, but I'm guilty of doing small stuff like this to avoid a blow up fight in the past....uggghhhh) to me having broken her trust, similar to how I felt about her having an affair with OM.

W goes into how I've never cared about her and D and I still do not. Says she would have stuck around another 10yrs had I not treated D so horribly. She says what she's done is really messed up and she didn't handle it appropriately. She says she hasn't had sex with OM and I can check her recent doctors visit if I don't believe her (Doctor apparently commented about her not having sex in a long time). But she says that what I've done by not caring about her and D is even worse. W asks why I would possibly want to try to fix the MR, again.

I tell her that I don't believe Divorce is the solution to our problems. She asks how we possibly fix our MR. I tell her it's through M counseling and us being forced to do a lot of hard work. She says she is willing to go to counseling to work on our communication skills but not our MR. She reiterates that she's not the type of person who would forgive me.

W reiterates that this was over long ago. W then asks if I agree that we are seperated. I tell her that she told me she wanted to seperated on 5/31 and then I repeat my mantra of "I don't believe divorce is the solution to our problems". She spins on this a few times asking how I could not think we are seperated and then tells me to take a few days to let it sink in and see if I had a different response. She then says that if I can't accept that, then we need to be in different places, with her taking D and she doesn't think that's fair to me. (This is where a consequence could come in)

W says she opened the CC so she could start building credit. She wants to put her phone on there and unlink our accounts. She also wants groceries and gas on there but will show me the bills. She does not want me to see her phone records. I didn't tell her that I don't care at this point. Maybe I tell her she needs to get a job to continue using her phone like she has. Unsure I can pay for her to talk to OM non stop.

I tell W that I do not want OM around our house or my D and she responds as I said earlier. She also says, "you're seeing someone to discuss all this weekly, right? I tell her yes and she says to talk through it with them. She finally must have seen the charges in our cc bill. Sounds like she's been snooping as well, though I never tried to hide my IC from her.

W gets angry and says to stop the conversation. I tell her we will talk when she's in a better place and she mumbles something about me coming back in a few days around my view on separation. She then says that if I don't care about them, then don't expect her to care about me. I said I never expected you to cheat on me and she looks at me and just shrugs her shoulders. Felt myself getting angry and so I left.

She sucked me in and I fell for it, though to a lesser extent than before. Started validating, but quickly got pulled into providing thoughts which seems to be her trap. She seems to be wanting back control and probably got some back with this discussion. Not going to let her roll the guilt she's feeling off on me though.

Tomorrow is Ds and my day. Not going to let W ruin that!

Thanks Sandi for the clarification! Will respond to everyone else later if that's ok. Appreciate your support!