Here is a reason I admittedly should not be dating...
That guy I went on a date with is lots of fun and we have been texting and exchanging funny banter and getting to know each other. We hung out in non date group settings as well. He is very sensitive and seems to like me a lot. It really feels great to have that attention and to just laugh with someone. But yesterday was an awful day regarding my son and husband exchange. Like so awful I am still crying over it, and I realized I cannot discuss that with him. I am going through serious stuff, and discussing that stuff would just be so inappropriate.
So this is what has me in tears...
I have been having so much trouble with my sons behavior. I don't really know what is norm for a 5 year old. He is really mad at me and talks to me like a teenager would. STBX switched weekedns around and basically went 2 weekends in row without seeing son. Yesterday when he came to drop off son, my son did not want to leave. He was begging father to take him back. He kept running back to fathers car. Major crying. I tried to help once but then went back inside because son was trying to run away from me.
In all fairness, STBX was telling him he loves him...but then I heard him say to son that if he doesn't go inside he can't come back on Wednesday (husband is taking him 5 days this weekend) I overheard that and when son was running away to car, I told him that he should never threaten son with something like that. STBX responded with "well your staying inside and not helping". Thne I was saying to son that he saw daddy this weekend and will see him all day on Thursday and he said right in front of his father " I didn't get to see daddy because he was sleeping and working. I only got to play with grandma" and STBX responded that he took him to trampoline house.
For almost 2 hrs Son literally cried and had tantrum about how he wants to be with his father and how when he is 16 he is going to drive to daddy's house and how daddy lied to him and told him I was going to give him a prize. How he wants his daddy to live with him. He called his dad and asked him to move back home and husband said "no mommy and me are separated but I love you" and then son said "if you change your mind you can come back" Husband called tonight to talk to him for the second time in over a year.
I feel really bad about my son. Someone told me that he can be mad at me because I am a safe person for him to be mad at. I know that in life no one has things perfect or fair. But we always want the best for our children and I hate that son is suffering. I am fearful that son will neglect his own child just like husband was neglected by his dad. Because my son doesn't know better.
And here's the scary thing. Of course I say I am not looking for someone to father my son, but deep down I do want a father figure for my son to model.
