Sounds like you're just faking it. That's fine in the beginning, but that's only so that you put yourself into the mindset of actually being happy.

I know it's not easy, but it's possible.

M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER