More confused than before

[Cherry]

Thanks buxom for those kind words. I have been through a lot, so I know I have the strength in me to carry on. I just need my heart and my head to catch up to one another. I think it's dealing with the reality that I was finally happy and thought I had my life set. So for all that to be thrown up in the air and taken away is what causes the hurt. But there's nothing I can do. He's like a dog with a bone, and he just wants to go ahead and get his magical d that he thinks is the road to happiness.

I'm so sorry with what you're going through that he's doing this. I hope you have a good support network to help you and accompany to appointments?

He is majorly cake eating. It's not fair he can stay with ow and have an A, but keep you at the side. Leave him to his chaos and focus on you.

[Buxom]

Took me a couple hours before I finally broke down a.d cried. He heard me and came in to tell me about the calls he made to his sponsor, his counselor (to get an easier appt), to break off with A2, and disclosed to AA member his drinking. Both shoehorned we said good night and each to own beds.
I feel worse today than yesterday. Once the denial is broken, it doesn't stay very long anymore. Reality is what I need to deal with.

[Buxom]

Thanks cherry. I'm hoping this is a breakthrough esp once he goes to counseling and addresses the incest. He was making all kinds of connection tions and sees why he did things and how wrong he was. He cried so much over me in a way I've not seen or heard before. False hope? Maybe. It's the best movement and worst pain he's faced in years and he's still walking thru it. I'm still working my codependent stuff and taking care of me. I will cautiously support him on his journey until he lies again or if he doesn't end it with skank 1. Then all bets off.

[Sotto]

I'm sorry to read this Buxom. That's pretty blatant waywardness and I feel boundaries for you are paramount here. What is and isn't okay for you in your own home? What can you live and what can't you live with?

It may or may not be a breakthrough - time will tell and I would be suitably cautious, maintain clear boundaries and see what follow through there is. Yes, he has said many things, and whether he is able to follow through on those remains to be seen...

I would try not to worry about him too much just now. He's a grown up and needs to sort his own chit out if he's going to be able to be a suitable partner. He's far from that just now and time will tell.

But I think you're on the right track with exploring the codependent behaviour. Though I would stop mentioning you're working on it to him. Do it for you!

Xx

[Buxom]

Soto, u r right that I'm working on it for me. Sorry if I gave that impression. I guess I still refer to us as a unit that we aren't right now. He said he was glad I was working on it but I never said it was for him. I did say to him I needed to look after myself and detach.
I still have hope a but few expectations and working toward no expectations. It's a hard thing like detachment.

In the middle of all this, today I found another breast lump so back to oncologist Wednesday.

[Sotto]

Yes, I think for now it is best to drop the 'we're a unit' thinking. Do you really want to be a unit with someone currently behaving in that way?

I wouldn't even tell him you need to look after yourself and detach - just do those things for you. There can always be hope, but I would drop the expectations. He could have had some sort of awakening, or you could be in for another round of the same again - only time will tell.

I'm sorry to hear about the breast lump and good luck for your appointment tomorrow xx

[Coly23]

I'm so sorry to hear this Buxom. Your health is of paramount importance now not your H, he is big and ugly enough to look after himself. You need to find your support network with or without him, put his issues on the back burner and focus on YOU. Hugs...

[Buxom]

Soto and copy. Thanks for the support. I'm hoping the breast lump is related to the atv accident last week.

I realise that all this could good to suite but I'm enjoying what it is right now. I still GAL, and do my 180 list, what I'm doing is working for me to feel better with less anxiety, more self assured and stronger. I was feeling very good this morning but after checking the active posts, my gut it churning. I may need to take a break from here to keep calmer and enjoy my present.

[Buxom]

Coly not copy! Sorry!

[Surfer]

Buxom,

Thinking of you. i hope you know you are setting there. Just keep going.

Surfer.