Husband just told me he is moving out.

[Mombear]

Thanks. Right now, I'm definitely deep in the "anger" stage of grief. I'm so angry at him I'm shaking! Is it a bad sign if I actually enjoy this phase more because at least I'm not a sobbing mess?

I am going to be a fierce tiger warrior mama bear and be a strong harbor of safety and love for my boys. Whatever happens, they are going to feel safety, security, and love from me.

Now, how to get through the next few weeks before STBXH moves out? This will take some strength.

[doodler]

Mombear,

The anger stage is the best. It's the stage where you put sand on his bath soap and put salt in the sugar container and sugar in the salt shaker.

During the night, when he's asleep, he can become your canvas for an artistic outlet. Purple hair and a green permanent marker goatee.

While doing the wash there's the accidental Clorox spill, or two, or fifteen. And the Tabasco toothpaste. Does he like capers in his salad? Capers look like rodent droppings. Hmmmm...

And the list goes on. Have fun with it and don't get thrown in jail.

[MrBond]

Have you read the DB/DR books yet?

[Mombear]

I've read DB. Although after today, seeing my son's face, I'm not sure I want to reconcile. I just want to use the rules to help me detach and get on with life. I don't even like this man. Maybe it is just my anger, but doing this to the kids is unforgivable.

[MrBond]

Trust me it's your anger. Your emotions are going to go up and down during this period. It's why they call it the roller coaster. Don't try to psychoanalyze your H. Even if it is depression, there's nothing you can do about it until he decides to do something. It's like alcoholism. To the person, there is no problem until they acknowledge it.

When he starts his spew, hold up your hand and tell him that while you understand that he has frustrations, he is not allowed to talk to you like that. Get your self-esteem back.

Sounds like your H is in classic MLC mode. Concentrate on yourself.

[RSG]

I can't speak to a MLC like Mr Bond and others.

I'd just remind you: Anger is the opposite of love. The alien you see before you is not your H, don't try to understand him/it. I have a WW. There was a period of 2 days where I literally felt hate in my heart for her. It was the angriest I've ever felt, and it scared me so much I started therapy. It will pass. Feel it, and let it out when you can.

[Mombear]

Tonight after I put the boys to bed, he sulked around outside my room and asked if I'd like to come down and watch a show with him. I declined, let him know I was planning to read my book. It felt nice.

[cat04]

Mombear,

I am linking a thread...it isn't the one I wanted but it will work...

See if any of it resonates with you...

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=960393&page=1

[Mombear]

cat04, that was amazing. It was like an exact script of what is going on in his head! For reals. I almost want to print it out and give it to him.

Today we have a joint session with a therapist, ostensibly to figure out what to tell the children. He's been all needy and clingy for the past day, so I have no idea what he's really going to try and talk about. I'm sure he'll go in there and be really cold and nasty, so as to counter the niceness and warmth he's been showing.

I did contact a lawyer, and before he got home from work yesterday I made copies of all our financial records.

[cat04]

Do NOT print that out, mention it to him or even mention MLC.

You can't fix him.

I do believe that is what you are dealing with and I think you should begin to educate yourself about it.

In counseling, just talk about what your stated agenda is.

I am glad that you are educating yourself with a lawyer. It is important to be prepared.

As a friend of mine used to say, become like a duck when it comes to his mood swings and words. Learn how to just let the stuff roll off your back like water off of a ducks.