Very close to giving up

[Jug]

Me doing as much as I do has been a point of contention with us. We haven't been able to work out a good balance of her getting a break and my getting a break. It has led to me bein passive aggressive about it.

This was a big source of frustration for my SAHM W (now WW). I think men often underestimate how stressful it is to be w/ kids at home. It varies a lot by:
(a) personality of SAHM (or Dad); and
(b) personalities of the kids -- whether they are easy-going and get along w/ each other vs. high-need and contentious.

It can feel to the SAHM/D like you are completely worn out by the kids, and they don't feel as fulfilled by being w/ your kids, and they feel like they got nothing done. It's repetitive work w/o tangible rewards.

I'm not sure how much of this contributed to our marital problems, especially since, from early on, I tried really hard to do my fair share of work at home, and give my W breaks.

I travel for my work about 2-3 times a year, typically about 4-6 days per trip. In all the years we were married, I *never* took a trip by myself for pleasure. Yet I believe she resented my trips away, because it was perceived as a "break" from responsibilities at home. I supported/encouraged her to take pleasure trips for herself, and she did take several trips to visit friends. But it never gave her enough relief from the stress of being a SAHM. But, my W has serious anxiety and impulse control issues that make her home life feel very stressful.

What you said rings true. we have many other problems and this was a catalyst. Your wife sounds more and more like mine.