A WW? (3)

[lt0402]

Decent Sunday yesterday. Got up early to go get donuts for breakfast for when D and friend woke up from their sleepover. Big hit w/ the girls. W decided since I was up, she'd also get up (usually doesn't get up until 9:00 on the weekends, vs. 6:45 for me yesterday).

W has not been getting a lot of sleep (went to bed sometime after 3 the past 2 nights) and has been drinking ~1/2 to a full bottle of wine every evening since we went to the beach 3 weeks ago. Also, she's not exercising nearly as much as she had been doing prior to the beach.

I did a couple hours in the yard saturday, so only had to spend maybe 30 minutes doing house stuff yesterday. After that, we did some awkward "family" time as we took it easy b/c of Ds sleepover and her being tired. One thing of note is W wanted all 3 of us to play monopoly together. Haven't done that in months. Unsure why she'd want to do that.

D and I make paper kites and test fly them outside, then do some Frisbee in the yard before dinner. After dinner, we get in some pokemon in the park. Found out from someone else about a great pokemon spot near where I work. going to take D there soon. Had a really good time w/ D.

30 minutes of iPad before bed w/ the 3 of us in the mbr bed. Joking around like nothing is wrong. Put D to bed, W snuggles w/ D for about 10 minutes and I go to bed. Wake up at 1am and there's a missed text from W. Don't check it, but roll around awake until ~2am. Sleep is elusive when your brain is filled with so much stuff.

Check the msg this morning and it's W, "Do you have 2 minutes? Won't be a long conversation". Respond back this am w/ "Went to bed early last night. Chat about it tonight?"

Who knows what she wants to talk about. Could be the L situation. Could be her highlighting we can co-parent and using monopoly game yesterday as the example. Could be her saying she's going to see OM over labor day weekend. At this point nothing would surprise me.

I'm taking the next 2 days off work to take D to a place called Great Wolf Lodge, which is a big water park near us. Just the two of us, and really, really looking forward to the time w/ her. Hoping that whatever W says to me won't put me in a funk for it, so trying to set myself up to handle it.

My boss wants the two of us to make a trip to DC next Monday for a dinner and meeting w/ a big partner of ours. Told W about it today and just got back "Do whatever you want". Tempted to address that but don't believe it does any good, so I'm letting it go. Gave her details, as apparently she feels I haven't been upfront enough about where I go for trips.

Outside of that, I'm resigning myself to the fact that she's setting up to push forward w/ Ls. I worked this weekend to back out of the cold/stand-offish mood that was permeating the house since she went through her spew of lies the previous weekend. She seems to be trying to work her way back into control of things w/ me alleviating that mood though. I think she felt very out of control the past week.

90% chance she's still contacting OM. Still bothers me, though slightly less. Previous 2 Ls believe W may be setting me up to take D and move closer to OM. That frightens me.

Current plan is to see what W says tonight, and if necessary retain an L. Hate taking that step, but I think the risks and lies are too great not to at least start protecting myself. W offered up nothing else on why she opened that CC at the bank last week.

I'm finding that I need to better cement my goals and my plan to get there. Relationship w/ D is going well. Talked to her about that this weekend. D feels I'm keeping my promises and doing a great job of listening to her. D, however, feels like I'm doing a bad job of listening to W and I think that hurts her. I believe she may be feeding off Ws bad attitude around the house towards me, but it could be the past weeks worth of coldness towards W.

Regardless, am working to remove that, though I still can't trust this woman who's now my WW. That fight and seeing her for what she is last weekend really opened my eyes. To some degree I'm happy that I better understand, but extremely sad bc that wonderful woman I knew is not there right now. Strange mix of emotions the past couple days.

Regardless, working to stay strong for Ds and my sanity. Need to find a balance of pleasant but stand-offish w/ W (treat like a houseguest). Also, need to get back into my gym routine (ran 4 mi this am, doing weights this pm) bc that gets me to a steady place and helps me sleep. One day at a time, knowing that getting Ls involved doesn't end this thing. Committed to my family, especially my D, and knowing that if it doesn't work out w/ WW I'll be there for my D.