Going to xW's and the kids IC on Thursday was interesting. xW had not signed a release, so the IC couldn't share much with me.
I told him about xMIL badmouthing me to the kids, how the conversation with S11 went, to show I am not "pumping the children for information" like xW's atty said. I told him how S11 looked so emotionally drained to prove that I wasn't "taking it of context" like xW's atty also stated, and told him history of xMIL badmouthing xW's father in front of xW on a regular basis, even 25 years after their D, even 8 years after xW's father was dead.
I showed the IC the original OFP, which has xW's original allegations handwritten in it. I couldn't believe it when he said he had not seen it previously. He said "these are some pretty serious accusations." I was still crying after the previous subject, and told him "I know, and I could give examples all day long of how what she wrote was not the case."
I shared a long list of things that the kids had told with me and I documented over the past 9 months, complete with dates of each item. none of the examples alone is extreme, but the continuous crap she said to the kids, the selfishness she displayed, the badmouthing she did do, was enough to really build up for kids stuck in the middle.
I told him that I have said positive things to the kids, and what I hear back is so negative, the accusations of what I have supposedly said are too elaborate to have come from the kids themselves, and they are right on track with xW's lifelong insecurities... I even gave him a couple examples from when we were still together. I told him, therefore I believe she is making them up herself. He didn't comment, but more food for thought for him either way.
I was fairly frustrated when I left that he couldn't share much with me. But thinking about it afterward, after meeting my own IC later in the day, there are a couple conclusions I came up with. xW is so ashamed of her actions that she didn't even share her OFP accusations with her own IC? I did not leave a copy with him, but will make a copy before the next visit for him to keep.
He had asked what I hoped to get out of the counseling. I told him I wasn't sure, it was xW's idea. But that I don't see how we will ever get to the point of being able to coparent until her bitterness dies. At this point the only way I see to resolve that would be to rehash the past. He said we can only talk about what we both agree to talk about. I told him I doubt xW will agree to rehash anything, as she won't want to talk about the truth.
Another piece of the puzzle has been shared with this IC... I have a feeling xW won't like that and will stop seeing this IC completely.
Either way, I am very curious where this will lead. My guess is that the first session of us meeting together will never happen. And I highly doubt a second will happen. And we'll still be right where we are now.
