Husband just told me he is moving out.

[cat04]

Mombear,

First I want to say how sorry I am that your H said that to you. I remember how hearing almost the very same words hurt. It hurts. In time, it won't hurt so much. As you come to realize what is really going on inside of him, it won't hurt so much.

I am willing to bet he said it to push you away. He let you get close. He asked you to snuggle. Then he realized what he had done and needed to push you away. It isn't personal. It is something within him. Something that he absolutely doesn't understand.

I'm still furious that he is willing to put our kids through this. No little kids should have to see this. And I have no idea how to walk the line of not giving the kids too much adult information while also making it clear that this is not a moral or Christian thing their father is doing. It just [censored]. [censored] [censored] [censored].

Please, please, please work really hard to change this line of thinking.

Do not say anything to the kids about how "bad" what their father is doing is.

In time, they will make their own decisions about his actions and if you simply keep setting the example of behavior that you want them to learn, they will come to their own conclusions.

It isn't up to you to do anything to help or hurt their relationship with their father. (With the exception of real abuse.) It is up to you to stay out of the way of that, let them forge their own way with him. Put your focus on making your relationship with them what you want it to be.

I have a few threads I would like to share with you. I will take some time this morning to try to find them and link them here. I hope you will take the time to read them with a bit of an open mind.

I also want to share one other thought. I know you are being told to take a "hard line" and I also understand that you feel some of the DB principals will not work in your situation...

First, do what you are comfortable with. If you can snuggle or go on vacation and you believe you can do it with no expectations...and you want to do those things, do them. You are at the beginning and while you may eventually get to a place where you take a different stance, you aren't there emotionally right now and there is nothing wrong with that.

Additionally, DB is counterintuitive. It is going to feel wrong. There are going to be things that just don't seem logical. In time, you will see the logic. For now, again, do only what you are comfortable with.