Thanks for the reply AJ. It's nice to have encouragement that I'm handling things well.
Yes, quite the roller coaster. I think the guardian attorney's recommendation really shocked w, possibly a wake up call. I think that night was rock bottom for her. W has seemed to shift her anger towards her now saying how her mind was made up a long time ago, just wanted to drag it out for more money, and how she obviously liked me better, then said but you are a likable person. W told me she is going in to meet with her next week because in her letter she wrote her move was not for a promotion and largely due to OM but w says it was for a promotion, she has also mentioned how unfair it is my family met with her. I just listen and don't say much about it. I hope she doesn't have an ulterior motive but idt she would be telling me all that if she did.
W was a lot better Thursday (the day following my last post) and we spent time together every day until she left yesterday evening. I'm doing lots of listening to see where she is. I've listened to a couple books that have really helped me lately. One about apologizing. I've apologized for some things (things dealing with our disconnection which played a part in her MLC that I can now see in hindsight)before but obviously she didn't hear or accept it. I changed my approach and apologized for a couple things Thursday and I think it stuck. She was fighting back her tears really hard and thanked me. She also has not brought up working while I went to school anymore. Her attitude towards me has seemed to change for the better. When I talk with her it's like I get to talk to the old her again sometimes. I even asked her to see her tattoo again and she said you just want to see it to check me out then showed it to me again. Hmm.. I think this was big as she thought I would disapprove or judge, seeming like a parent and did just the opposite.
She took the kids Friday afternoon and stayed at my house again. She asked if I wanted to go to lunch with her but I had already planned to have lunch with my dad for his bday. I told her I would love to but already had lunch plans and she said maybe another time then. I asked if she wanted to have dinner with the kids and I that night and she said sure but said she wasn't hungry that evening because they ate late. She hung out for awhile before going to her friends for the night. Things were good through the evening but when she called the kids at bed time she was laughing and immediately changed her tone when I answered so I think my suspicion about her friend not helping the situation is probably right. Her friend doesn't have many friends, is depressed, goes to concerts all over the country and is buying a lot of w's way to go with her. She was happy w was moving back. Sometimes things seem really good and then w hangs with her and we get set back a little, frustrating.
W came back over Saturday and we took the kids to get school supplies. W warmed up pretty quick after she got to my house but made a PA (more aggressive lol) comment about the system being unfair when talking about another subject. She was a little weird for awhile (I had to tell myself to let it slide and set normal) after that but eventually we were talking normal again.
Here's a mlc one though, I'm not exaggerating, while school shopping she wasn't satisfied with any of the #2 pencils. We went through all of them in the store in the school supplies and office supplies. W opened each box, would look at them and complain then put them back. idk what that was about but I was patient and let her do her thing.
She did d's nails and hair before we left to go shopping and I asked her about the polish I bought. She told me to go to a beauty supply shop and what brands were good. After we got school supplies she wanted to go to the store she mentioned. We walked through and she showed me a lot of the different stuff and she had me get a few things. I thanked her for showing me and she was pretty friendly the rest of the afternoon. She took the kids to a bday party later on. She asked if I wanted to go but I told her I had a few things to do and was going to run the dog. She hung out a little after getting back and texted me several times and called before leaving town because she had to get a couple things for her car. We had a few more friendly texts today. Then tonight she texted to tell me she didn't feel good, she's hurting really bad with her medical issue again.
Overall I'd say things have been going pretty well. W seems to be showing way less anger/frustration towards me. We're texting and talking a lot more and joking too; I think it's a good sign we can make each other laugh. She even made a joke in reference to something that happened on our first date. She's been telling me about her apartment situation, how she's found one here but may get sued for her rent at the one she just got (she's planning on renting from the same company here) but won't know until tomorrow. She's been talking to me about her job prospects and an interview she has next week which she is excited about. I'm being very supportive and enthusiastic for her. She also has mentioned a few things about step mil so I know she is talking to her now which is good.
She mentioned needing a new car about 10 times over the last few days (last week she was complaining to me she was going to be living in her car or a shelter). I've noticed she's talked to me about a few things we've talked about before, some not long before bomb drop, including the car she wants. She must not remember.
I'm a little worried about the kids. When we went to get school supplies we had to get a couple gifts for their bday party. The kids both kept going and looking/playing with toys that were way to young for them. They were both also giving w a hard time not listening to her. I've had some trouble to but not like they were to her. I had to get on them (several times, not just at the store) and tell them not to treat their mom like that and that we would not allow it. W and I really did good together with this as she did the same for me too a few times. W said s threw a huge fit at the bday party though and hit/head butted her. Idk if this could be regression related to asd, him upset, a combination or what. He's been getting angry easily lately.
I've been reading through the MLC stages and some old posts the last few nights. It's been a good reminder to be patient and not try to expect anything right now. It's hard when I'm seeing some changes, our first mediation is in a month, and she's about to sign a second apartment lease. I've wanted to ask her if this is really what she wants but I know better. Hopefully it's what I need to be doing, I don't want to chase her back into the tunnel. Staying calm, consistent, caring, and patient. I did offer for the kids and I to take her out to dinner for her birthday next week. She said she wasn't sure, that she might be packing.
Not really getting a life but I did pick up an old hobby this weekend. I made my first batch of gluten free beer, I quit home brewing 6 or so years ago when I quit gluten. Hopefully it turns out good!
Hope everyone had a good weekend and has a good week!!
