Awww bless you. You are a very, very nice person. It is so clear. It is hard to say you are proud of someone when you only know part of them, and not the full picture, but I honestly am truly proud of you. How you try your best! It's so endeering.
I hope he sees you for how I think you are. You deserve that. If he does not, it's his loss. I hope he does though - truly. For him, but mostly you, the little man and the flutter!
Sad this. But hey; makes me sound a bit well bent really (not a homophobe BTW - at all, very accepting of people). I splashed out and bought some Egyptian Cotton Sheets. Spent a fortune - for me, being a bit sensible (not tight - careful). So all ironed and on the bed. Going to shower and do the 'Ahhhh - bed thing tonight". Oh dear what have I become. A raging lady. I'll draw the line at a pedicure or even a man wax. But oh dear.....for a Yorkshireman, it must not become a story told in the Promised Land. Then again I imagine James Martin doesn't sleep in rags.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
I keep doing this. Posting on the wrong thread...duh.
In terms of the things you felt you did wrong, what were they? Similar to Cherry or different? Just think it's interesting how Cherry wasn't validating her H's feelings.
I did the same, did you? If you did, I wonder if it's partly about personality types? Perhaps some don't need validation so much - as they are secure in who they are, but others do, as they are less so?
I guess I was always very secure. Until BD etc.
Just a thought!
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
He still doesn't say a bad word to me. He always tells me the good woman/wife/mother thing. But thank you, that's very kind of you to say. I guess I'm just old fashioned, I value family over everything.
Don't get me wrong, I would listen, but maybe I took some things to heart, like if someone had done something that would have upset him, rather than get defensive on his behalf, I should have validated, let him own his own issues.
Nothing wrong with buying new linen. Believe me as a woman, I think the way a man keeps a room days a lot. Back in the days of a student, I saw guys bedrooms, and my god. They literally never changed the linen!! I don't think they realised if they wanted to get a decent girl in those sheets, they needed to change the damn things frequently. I had a huge order at Zara home. Though I'm a girl and very particular about my boudoir. It has to be spotless, but inviting and cosy at the same time.
I see, so you're a Yorkshire man, not too far from me. Just the wrong side of the pennines.
And so sorry Anna, looks like we've hogged your thread for discussions of linen.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
No apologies...post away! As I said in my initial post, I don't really have much of a DB story going on at this point, so I'm just chatting...
As for my regrets... I would definitely say I should have been more validating to H. We married really young, and he had very traditional ideas about being the "man of the family." I wasn't always supportive of his choices when we disagreed about what was in the best interest of the family, and that caused problems. Over the years, I've come to believe it's more important to support your partner than it is to be right, and if someone makes a mistake, you'll overcome it together as long as you can remain united.
The new sheets sound wonderful... I am sure they are very manly sheets, at that.
**
Cherry, baby flutters are so amazing!!! Enjoy every moment of it. My oldest used to kick throw pillows off my stomach. It was the funniest thing...
Manly sheet after a hot curry! Don't go there Surfer
I get the traditional idea of being the provider Anna. Most recent men work like that. It's actually his way of caring. He wants to provide. Basic, but normal IMHO.
Did you not want that?
What did you want
What do you want from the next Mr Right?
Hard questions I know. Sorry.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
acted like it was painful for him to even have to hear words from my mouth
My WW began behaving this way after she made up her mind to seek a divorce. I suppose it's possible that she *always* found many things about me contemptuous and now has no need to repress it, but I think it's likely that wayward spouses subconsciously focus on and exaggerate any slight fault you have. That way, they feel less guilt about their own behavior -- affairs, breaking up the family, etc.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
It's a tool they use by trying to bring you down to the same level. If you start hating them or getting angry it makes it far easier for them to justify the actions they are taking and feel less guilt.
Kill them with kindness so they feel all the guilt in the world. Don't drop down to their level if they get angry validate and stay calm.
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
