Been struggling with missing my kids, even though it's only been a few days, after having them for 3 weeks straight. Know because of this my head has been busy in fix it mode trying to find the solution but at the same time telling myself that I can't fix her or this. Even though the kids didn't seem to be affected, I felt hurt for them that W only spoke to them once in 20 days. She only wants to talk to them when it suits her or when I have told her ahead of time that they will call. If they call at a random time, she doesn't answer. I still can't believe how distant she can be towards our kids and not see it herself.
She asked me the other night if the kids tell me about the things they do with her. I don't remember if I answered but they rarely tell me anything they do. They tell me that they spend time with other families which confuses S7 as he doesn't understand why we can't be our own family.
I also ended up telling her something from the past that I hadn't told her before. That a number of years ago when we struggled before and I had questions about my feelings towards W, I had a female friend when I travelled with work that listened and understood me better than W. On one visit she then said she wanted to be more than friends which I turned down and then never saw or spoke to her again. I don't know why it came out other than my head wasn't very clear after passing out.
Went out today with the meetup group I have joined and did a 20km hike. Exercise felt really good but still struggling with the emotional stuff. Guy I was with also went through a divorce several years ago so ended up talking a bit too much about our experiences. He feels W is depressed and needs an intervention but knows there is nothing I can do about it.
Gotta keep going forward with myself and keep working on the emotional detachment. To stop trying to find a way of fixing this and step back with more patience in the process.
