Learning, growing and believing....

[mleigh4]

Hi guys, thank you for the support and hugs. They are so appreciated.

I am enjoying a much needed down day. S is with H, friends are busy, so I am doing a pamper day for me. Nap, food, wine and movies!

Someone said, I think Job, to grieve this next phase. That is certainly the case. I feel like I am grieving all over again! How many times does this happen already?? It's a bit different for me this time though. Lots of crying, but I don't feel depressed or lost.... I feel eager for this to pass and eager to see what life has in store for me. I feel a relief and a freedom to embrace the new and improved person I have become. I have accepted that my marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper and convenience. And I am ok with that, I no longer feel like I am fighting that. It's a totally new state of acceptance.

So interesting, this journey we get thrown on. I say that with a smile

The biggest thing that stands out in this, is the path I have traveled, the things I have learned, the diversity and differences in people I have learned to love and respect, the appreciation of what is really important in life. It's like an awakening, it has changed me so much. In regards to H, I have always been a bit "deeper" than him. He would have no idea what I meant by any of that! Lol

I am in a good place. I feel grounded and stable. I thought I had reached this point, so many times I am sure! I guess each phase brings you to a new place.

I have friends who have lost loved ones in unexpected deaths, who have endured negligent parenting, things that life throws at you and you have no control of. They came out of it stronger than ever, continued to live life to the fullest, raised stable and loving children, and they are my greatest hero's. I am beginning to believe that it's us, who survive these things, who are truly happy and appreciative of this life. How strange is that? I look in the mirror and see another hero. That is a far cry from who I used to see.

So, feeling good here. I got my sweet kitty by my side tonight. S taught dog a new trick, to push a button on a stuffed monkey and make it scream. He is so proud! S is loving being back in school again with his buddies. I see another great year ahead for him!

I have some home projects on my mind for fall. I will be putting those into motion. I finished my indoor rock Zen garden complete with lights and healing stones. I just love it! I got myself an essential oil diffuser for home, and after telling work about it, they wanted one there too! We want to add a water feature at work too, make it more relaxing in a hectic atmosphere.

I went to dinner with a friend Thursday night and made friends with several people, along with running into a few I knew. I love living in a small town!

Life is good, no complaints here. Another new chapter...I guess the book really never ends, does it? A co-worker, who lost her H to illness, told me that.

Sending big hugs to you all. Remember, when you are feeling down, how amazing you are!