You have already figured out that the expectation that your wife fight hard for your marriage was unrealistic.
There is always time to use hard line behaviors - save them for now. Of course you don't want to jump headfirst into pursuing her, but test the waters (by initiating something small). Alternately you can wait a bit before testing the waters. Waiting and being passive does seem to be 'more of the same' behavior from you as I read in this first post.
The most important thing you can do is to take care of your depression. Then, ensure your living situation is a safe one with regards to your son and your family. Then read everything you can on this site about 180s that work. The things that will be most effective for you are the things that blow her stereotype of you. Look for clues in your past- what were you doing and saying when she first fell in love with you?
Keep posting look into the resources on this site for more information. Keep posting and you will get a lot of support from wonderful people who have been or are currently in your shoes.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
