May Divorce Be With You

[qt4x11]

But the other reason is that I often question my own well intentioned 'advice' to newcomers. Talking about what I went through, what I learned, etc, it doesn't change the fact you will have to go through what you go through, you will have to learn your own lessons, etc. Can anything I do actually help you through these troubled times? Will you be supported through your loss? Will you feel understood and validated when the woman that vowed to love you is making you the villain of her life story? Will something I say help you see something in a way that will help you avoid making destructive decisions in your life? I really wonder.

Yeah I feel the same way when commenting on other newcomers threads. Nothing I can say will minimize the how those people experience the emotional devastation. I do think that the 2x4s helped me avoid the destructive decision of starting to date too early, so in that particular case it was helpful.

But I do think so. This forum was a tremendous help to me. I can tell you that this last two years of my life has been tougher than the other 35 put together. Posting about what I was going through was one of the things that kept me sane.

Oh man, I'm already anticipating a rough couple of years ahead. Yeah I guess I should clarify that my reasons for posting have evolved from - wanting advice on how to 'get my wife back', to 'just wanting to sort out everything in my head', and journaling is a good way to do it.

Yeah, it sounds like we have similar personalities. That kind of success is often achieved by people who are narrowly focused and driven. Let me guess - your ex did not understand your drive to achieve at a certain level, this caused resentment, which caused you to bury yourself in your work as well? We bury ourselves in our work and pursuing success, and its understandable - isn't that what we're supposed to do? Isn't that the advantage of being married - once our home life is sorted, we can focus on pursuing other goals? And we're taught as men to be stoic and ignore our emotions. One thought I had is - that not dealing with relationship problems has its price, often you don't pay it until much later on.
Little fights and comments will come back to haunt you long after you've forgotten them.

Maybe you haven't really hit 'rock bottom'. But when you do, when you truly reach the end of this idea that you have it all under control and surrender, please know that isn't the end. It's the beginning. It doesn't mean you are wrong now. It just means you are human. We're all right there with you my man. Keep posting, keep striving. Take care.

Oh god I hope that I already have, I can't take anymore pain. It's a struggle just to keep it under control right now.

Is divorce really a failure? Is that a healthy attitude? People who are not married break up after LTR - nobody brands them as 'failures'? Isn't it healthier to say divorce is just something that happens, you did the best with what you knew at the time, noone is to blame, and the best is just learn from it and grow.