Those comments that you say about never being able to quite do something right really made me think. My ex (before wh) was every type of abusive their was. After breaking off with him, a little down the road, I got with wh. And it was a million times different. He said all the right things and treated me like a queen.

The past year or so, I've heard comments exactly like what you say..
I don't iron properly
I didn't put the clothes away properly
He never would ask me how I was and how was my day. Instead we would talk about his, whenever I would mention something about mine, it would be met with "you always make everything about you" "it's not all about you"
Food wasn't done quite the right way
Or something wasn't ready when he wanted it.

And I never thought he was abusive..

Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16