I'd like to share my story so as to get some help. My wife and I were married in 93, then 3 years into our marriage I discovered that my wife was having an affair, immediately she stopped the affair, I was 26 and really couldn't properly process or deal with what had happened-I was in shock and my wife was extremely remorseful. Because I kept it secret from family and friends I really had to stumble my way through the healing process on my own.
Soon come the kids with all the busyness that goes with raising two boys, life just seemed to speed up- meanwhile I'm still trying to "get over" the affair. The way I dealt with it was to say some horrible things to my wife at times and other times just go quiet on her, as the years passed the pain slowly disappeared and I hardly thought about the affair anymore....I was happy.
Sadly, no sooner did I get to this point when my wife one day came into our bedroom sat on the bed as I lay there and says "I don't know how I feel about you anymore" , it was like a knife in the heart, I pleaded with my wife to give us a chance and she agreed. I lifed my game as a husband. This was in 2007 and I thought things were going well up until June 2014 when she said that she tried to feel the way a wife should feel towards a husband but just didn't work. Says she wants a divorce, sits boys down and tells them marriage is over.
This is when things really get ugly :-(, I fall into a depression, operating robotically, my oldest son midway through final year of high school becomes angry with his mum and assaults her on a few occasions,I try desperately to keep him cool but he just couldn't deal with what was happening. My wife's psychologist calls the police and my son gets charged. I should have moved him out to my mums in order to keep my wife safe but at the time everything was happening so quickly and on each occasion I was at work.
By this stage my wife rents an apartment, moves out and is extremely angry with me for not protecting her.
Now on top of everything ,we had an upcoming court hearing! At the court hearing my son received a warning with no criminal conviction. Unfortunately what my son had done together with my inability to protect my wife seemed to put the final nail in the marriage coffin.
It was over a year since my wife moved out , my oldest son not talking to his mum and I had given up all hope of a reconciliation when my wife showed signs that she may be interested in trying again, I had a stupid expectation that she needed to "fight hard for our marriage" , wanting to do regular dinners and things to move quickly,I didn't understand her enough to be patient and let things go slow. She got spooked and backed off.
I then stumble upon this site and have been reading different threads, so sad that I didn't find you wonderful people mid 2014. I have learned so much... The fact that I CAN GAL, the FREEDOM of detachment and the accomplishment of doing 180's. Michelle's Divorce Remedy book has helped so much.
Apart from these things which are great for me with or without my wife I still don't know how to approach her, should I go with no contact? I just don't know how to proceed from here, what my next move should or shouldn't be.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Ps sorry for long post and if its incoherent, very late in Australia
