This is why it feels counterintuitive and you must trust the process. He does not get to threaten separation come/go as he pleases and then you are there for hugs and support. No! This is codependent and unhealthy. When a person hurts or rejects us--depression or whatever the reason might be--the natural consequence is to draw a circle around yourself and protect yourself. He does not get hugs and support, you are not his mom.

Boundaries are important here. It is time to take care of you and tell him no. If he is giving up on the M then he has made his choice. Let him go.

I would worry about that too whe H was floundering--I wanted H to know I would give him another chance and was afraid I would push him further away. That's not how it actually works! H needs to see you comfident, strong boundaries, and moving forward in life without him. He needs to see what he is losing.

Trust me, if he wants you back and is ready to work on himself, he will do it! You are not preventing him from that! Unfortunately this can take a long time and he needs to look inside himself. So start focusing on you and telling him no!

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela