Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 3)

[RSG]

Now, don't hold me up as some success story. Obviously I'm not, but for every zig and zag I make I'm making progress.

Don't make your W your focus. Make you your focus. Whether it's things you want to work on to become a better man, being the best Daddy you can be, getting out and making new friends or spending time with those you simply didn't have time for, trying something new....whatever it is, put your focus on those things. The more she sees you don't need her to be happy, the more she sees you and wonders about you.

When she calls you or texts you, by rule don't answer the first ring nor text right back. Don't be available. You don't need her, you're busy! Stand up for yourself, don't let her walk all over you. Sure it won't happen overnight, but little by little you'll gain respect back. Be firm but calm and let her know you don't accept the way she's speaking to you, and if it persists she can (say goodbye to your child and to) please leave.

It's not easy. Do your best to do YOUR thing and not focus on her. Live your life without her, and show her that. You, like me, probably have to fake it in the beginning. Eventually, you'll feel it and you won't have to fake anymore. Setbacks? Sure! Don't beat yourself up over them, but bring your venting, confusion, tears, etc HERE because you'll get the help you need. It's certainly helped for me, or else I WOULD have taken numerous steps backwards!!

This is a start of what has helped me.

Jug, being a nice guy basically means always being there when needed even if you're not being treated the same. Cold sort of means indifferent, but you're not indifferent you're just busy!