10 Years Later - From a DB'er

[Maybell]

Don -- My Guy wasn't the man of my dreams -- he was someone I was willing to take a chance on and it paid off better than expected, over time. It almost didn't. From his side of the table, I was (and still am, as you've seen) anxious and suspicious and hesitant, alternating with very enthusiastic and always an engaged listener. From my side, he moved way too slowly and (and a couple of other things that worked out to be non-issues), alternating with being someone who clearly needs the sort of nurturing I enjoy providing, who nurtures me in ways I've never experienced before, and who could show me things about the world that I want to see. Somehow we connect, and we both value the connection. He wasn't the guy I was most excited to go out with before I met him. By a long shot. But he didn't drag out the chatting, etc., over a long time. We exchanged three messages, maybe, and he asked me to lunch, and after that we really didn't interact until we met in person. The promptness of it meant that I wasn't totally worked up over how well it was going to go, which probably made it easier for both of us to connect with each other when we did.

The thing about him I value most is the connection. When it's good, it's unbelievably good, and when I get anxious, you've seen how I get. That has nothing to do with whether the profile is full or skimpy, with the LBD/jeans question, etc. What it came down to was, he was willing to take a chance on me, and I was willing to take a chance on him, and over time, as we got to know each other, it worked out. (Though I immediately ruled out everyone who said versions of "No drama please" because of what it said about where their hearts and minds were. Like I'm going to self-identify as a drama queen!)

It may be worth pointing out that there were certain minimum requirements he met for me to be willing to take the chance, but they basically had to do with not being intolerably negative or self-absorbed.

I DON'T KNOW if this is going to work out forever. There are still kinks to iron out (you've seen a few of the ones on my side...) I have some growing and healing to do before I'm a safe risk for him, too, and I know it.

Thank you for your thoughts over on my thread. I appreciate the male perspective. I'm still mulling over all the good insights I got over there so I'm not responding till I've digested all of it and worked through the automatic resistance to vulnerability.