The Fight for Self II

[CT1118]

CT1118 you are still fkng superman in my book

you are an inspiration because you're real and you hurt like the rest of us

Thanks For that and to all you for the support. Some great words have been said to me over the past couple of days. I was on the JRUSS thread reading some responses to him. A big one from Sandi and some wise input from ForGump. I certainly had a big blow to my detachment this week. Not being able emotionally to put it all out there at once. I made some btch moves and I am going to get past it,I.e. looking in her phone and I ran into one of her BFFs who engaged me about what was going on...I thought this chick knew of the A b/c I was told by WW that she did, so I spoke like she did....drum roll...she did not. So I also exposed WW to her BFF. While her BFF supported me, I also looked weak to her as while explaining things and fresh from the bloody ego a tear and voice crack occurred.

Anyway, on the other thread...my WW is not going to wake up from what I do. She makes enough money on her own to not need my income. For her, not seeing s4 for a couple nights is a relief as he is very needed and really wears on her. She is very beautiful and intelligent, so finding some turd to fill in for man duties is not a problem. She needs some therapy, but is unwilling to go. Now I've found out that only one of her friends actually knew of her A. Not anyone beyond that. So any NC would be for me, but I can't NC dark because of our child in terms of decisions. I feel ready enough to handle a D, but I don't want one for many reasons, costs is one of them. I want to hang in there and give this DB some more time.

She still loves me, but does not think I have changed enough for her to see. What I did this week showed it to her, more importantly showed it to me. I have some traveling to do today early and then back home for s4 tonight. It's a new day. Retool, refocus, reself.