I don't recall the details of your sitch, but your advice is sound. I am glad you are here and hope you will keep posting!
I agree that sometimes we don't see things clearly until we have detached and time has passed. When we act based on emotions, there is often fear and anxiety in play. That is why I always tell people that this is a long road and takes a long time. Rarely do we see immediate results, even if we DB "perfectly."
You are correct that we do not want this person back if they are not willing to truly look at themselves, process their own emotions, and make a commitment to changing. It's a lot for some and many cannot do it. We cannot ask our S to do that, but we can do it for ourselves and hope that they will for themselves.
My H did a 180, has taken responsibility for his actions, and is still working on bettering himself. Still into 16 months of piecing I am working on forgiveness. Once we "get them back," the hard work begins of restoring a broken M. It takes two strong people.
So you are wise to let him go and move on. I wish you the best!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
