Thank you so much Bttrfly, HaWho, Gwen and job, your advise is so valuable to me always.
So very long story short - I lost the tattoo battle, but won the beard one as a trade off lol. The beard is going whohoooo !!
Been a huge couple of days talking wise. It got to the point of saying things just to fight my point which I dd not really care about anymore. You are very right job, arguing for the sake of it will get me nowhere, time to dig out those duct tape shares once more he he.
You are all right about the financial side of things - actually h suggested we need to keep our own accounts so that we keep that independence and have a joint account set up for just rent and bills. He said that way he feels like he can treat me and I him without it feeling like it has been with joint money. I am happy with this arrangement, I am still in control of my own finances and we have also agreed that if I do have a short fall one week he will pick up the remainder as he has higher earnings than me.
As for jobs, he will be going back to work after having a few weeks off. He has a resume as long as your arm and qualifications in lots of things so wont find it difficult to get employment. He has the option of joining an agency driving trucks until a position he fancies comes along, so he wont be without an income. He has saved all his annual leave and together with what he has already saved, the proceeds from selling his furniture and his bond return on his rental, that will not only see him through but pay his half of a holiday we have decided to take October time - to have time out, just us, no jobs, kids, distractions.
I am viewing a house on Monday, its an open viewing so I have to take the application along with me. Its a good location and size so hopefully we will be successful, then that will be one thing off my plate.
For the first time since this all began he told me he loves me and the days can't go quick enough for him to be with me. He said for him this is forever. It was a really good to hear that, it has been an age since I have, and I truly feel he means it as those kinds of words don't come easy from him, he is the kind of guy that thinks them, but never says them.
He said that he is so pleased I stood up for myself and what I believed in against him, that it was refreshing and whist on this occasion I did not win the point, he did listen and felt a lot of what I said was very valid, and with a bit of practice I will be debating like a pro.
Oh dear Lord, give me strength !!
Result is; we have survived the tattoo incident, things are still on track. Job - you are so right, this is the hardest part, dealing with the aftermath of the past couple of years and trying to put two people who are now different back together is a challenge and its only just the beginning.
Bttrfly - Throwing the past at h would be easy but counterproductive. To be honest the past couple yrs have become a blur, I recall what he did and said but the sting has faded. Yes I do get affected by it, especially at times like these when he is out spending money when I am living paycheck to paycheck. The past has to be put in a box and on a high shelf to get dusty so that we can move forwards. That's not saying that we shall never talk about what happened but now is not that time, I am still too raw and he is still too broken.
He feels guilt for what he did to me, he feels shame for hurting his family and disappointment for letting himself down as a man, husband and father. I don't need to throw anything at him, he is doing it all on his own.
I LOVE YOU - I got those words today, today is a good day xoxo
