All was well until about 4:30 when I was pulling into my driveway, and a white car pulled around me in the grass, blocking me from driving forward and another vehicle pulled in behind me. I knew exactly what was going on, of course, so I just opened my window, affirmed who I was and the gentleman shook my hand, and handed my legal papers to me with the other hand. I thanked him and then he lingered a bit and we started talking.
As soon as he handed the papers to me, the white car must have taken off because I never even saw it drive off. I have a circular driveway, so the white car made a speedy getaway.
The process server was a truly lovely older gentleman (I'll call him PS), and he stayed and talked to me for about 45 minutes. He even bought a dozen eggs. It turns out that he and I have some people in common, and when I mentioned PS's name to my father, it turns out he knows PS, too! Little tiny world in these rural areas. Anyway, PS spilled the beans and told me that the driver of the other car was none other than my very own WH.
25 years of sharing my life with this human being and I didn't get even a tiny acknowledgment that I was even alive. He came, he skulked around in a rental car lying in wait for me, he blocked me in my driveway, he saw me accept the papers, and then he was gone, without me knowing it was even him.
PS didn't seem overly impressed with WH, just said he seemed very direct and interested in getting me served, mentioning something about a maintenance dispute. What dispute? We have had exactly zero contact in months. It's hard to have a dispute when there is no contact. Whatever "dispute" there may be could have been resolved by doing something that he has heretofore been unable to do - COMMUNICATE. I just need this man completely out of my life a this point.
In fact, this evening I'm ready to be free of all involvement with male companions. L-friend is very challenging for me sometimes and today, of all days, I wasn't really up for it. We didn't part of the best note. I guess I'm getting tired of the distance that he keeps between us, and I'm about ready to put up some distance of my own. I am finding it very difficult to have no expectations of this relationship, and yet I know that any expectations will not be met. He only has so much that he can offer, and I don't know if that's good enough. I'm not expecting a lifetime, but I guess I am expecting more than this.
I do think a course correction is in order, though I'm not certain which course I should take from here. Back to platonic friendship, nothing at all, accept a limited relationship with a limited horizon... I just don't know right now.
I cried tonight for the first time in weeks, and I'm not sure what the real reason was. Was it because Wh was right here and yet didn't want to even spare a glance my way, never mind the curtesy of a simple hello? Was it because l-friend hurt my feelings and reminded me of WH by refusing to talk to me about something that was troubling me? Was it because I just feel kind of crummy and off, and today was just a bit too much reality on top of that. All of the above? Probably.
time for sleep. I just feel like sleeping the entire day away tomorrow. Maybe some F**k that meditation is in order.
I'm 3 doses into my antibiotics, and feel... the same. If I was't taking a strict staggered dosing regimen of ibuprofen and acetaminophen, I'd be feeling a whole lot worse. Low grade fever continued today, and I'm still pretty uncomfortable, joint pain-wise.
TH ebaby chicks were out in their day pen most of the day today again. They ar so darn cute and it's so good to seem them scratching around in the grass snd dirt. I gave them a leftover ear of corn on the cob, a melon rind, and the melon seeds. Happy little birdies!
SH, I'm feeling like I'm back in to surviving lately, too. I'll try to talk more about it in my next post.
AS usual, it's late here (after 2 am), and it is past time for me to head to bed. Goodnight to everyone.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
