Taking my first sip of the water

[ATPeace]

Hi SH ok time,for,the,homework,

PART 1 (Be sure the you have read and pondered part 1)
FEAR-How will you overcome it and be the man only a fool will leave?

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.” Will Smith

Ghost,

I am going to share some resources and information that has helped me tremendously as I am traveling my own journey.
I am going to challenge you to take actions that you have thus far avoided doing.
The actions will be focused on you so you can step up, man up, and become the person only a fool will leave.
Will you commit?
Will you permit me to be an accountability partner for getting on?
If you agree here is your homework to get started.

_________________________________________________________________________________________
The first thing I want you to do is google the Black Door Story.
Read several of the links. There are minor details that change, but the message is the same.
Share with me how you see yourself playing a role in the story.
Share with me how you see fear and what is through the door.

Ok I have watched the first few ted talks and here are my thoughts
Guy Winch Emotional First Aid ....was very interesting and,I can see just how little time is given to emotional health...I can see that I have been in a very low place perhaps a dark place and that there is nothing wrong with asking for help with my emotions - then I understand that emotions just like fear come from my mind and they are not real....I mean the emotions are real ...in my mind and you can feel your emotions but they come from your thoughts

I think I am the kind of person who would need to watch these several times and I have found a way that I can download them to my iPad make a folder and this will make it easy to find ..I can also listen to them off line

I have for the past year beeten myself up I am the one being hard on myself I am the one telling myself that I have been a bad man that I deserve to be in pain I am the one who keeps bringing myself back to the point of feeling very low almost in a way that I feel I have to in order to become accountable for my behaviour during our marriage I cannot control her and make her change her mind so I choose to pick on the one person who I can control ....Me.

I look at the failure of our marriage and I have been taking all the blame and it is time for this to stop yes I will stand and be accountable for my share but I will not take all the blame.

The Black Door - I am so wrapped up in my fear that I am terrified to let go of the past a past that was not even the best path so if I was the prisoner would I have taken the fireing squad ...without hesitation yes I would. Now here is a thought I am afraid to go through the door because a part of me knows that there is a real risk that I would actually find something better and I am keep telling myself I am not alowd to be happy and that I should be feeling low .....if I am not feeling low if I start to feel remotely happy then i start telling myself that I should not be happy and that I need to get myself back to the point of feeling upset so I choose to bring myself down to the point of feeling so low ...but this is my choice

All I can see is the negatives of what happens when in reality so many wonderful things await .....

My children are getting older well my eldest two are and soon very soon they really will be completely independent .

My son is 15 nearly 16 and my W is telling him what to do like he is a baby for the past week she has been nagging him to sort out his bedroom stopping him from going on a mini holiday now saying he cannot have friends over saying he cannot go out with his friends my W tells me that I was controlling she is being very controlling and no one likes to be controlled

So getting back to my emotional health I am exhausted both mentally and physically not sleeping well waking early little support not much love and affection except from my children.

Right now I am going to go back to sleep I deserve to treat myself to some extra rest before a busy day looking after my children as my W is working

I will post again later

Feeling better feeling stronger

Thank you
Ghost