wow! where to begin? outing with D was fun. interesting...but fun. I legit forgot to text W when I picked up D, I also leave my phone in the car with D, or even W...went to get dinner and came back to some nasty texts about how this is ridiculous, W asked me to call (funny, she said text initially) and how we would have a serious talk when I dropped D off about how going forward was going to look. Called W, told her I forgot apologized and told her we were inside having dinner. W said ok. and we hung up. W wouldn't talk to me when I went to drop D off later, so I just left. We will see what W does going forward. Not sure if she'll let me see D.
some red flags with D. 1.D was telling me her routine and million rules now - when we were a family, I was blamed for having too many rules. 2.D mentioned she misses my cooking, and that W has been taking her to eat a lot because W doesn't want to cook. -I would get "talked" to for feeding D "crap" but never a thank you for cooking 5 meals a week. 3.D said "on Wednesday when you were supposed to pick me up" I said "I was not" and laughed D said "yes you were mommy showed me some texts where you agreed" so I dropped it because what's the point of telling her we had a conversation in person and changed plans...makes me think though W is trying to pin D against me. 4.D mentioned how she wanted tea last night but "mommy was too tired" to make her some -It was always me saying "no" to D when she wanted something so simple. 5.D got a cell phone since she stays home alone in the mornings after W leaves for school. D mentioned W told her she was not allowed to have me as a contact. 6.D said she didn't feel comfortable asking W if she could call me yesterday for my birthday. -it may be that D is telling me "What i want to hear" but If its true, it's annoying that W is "working to have open and great communication with D" and yet D still feels this way. 7. D mentioned she discovered where the cigarretes came from (D and I suspected W started smoking) D said "all of mommy's friends smoke and bring some when they come over" -looks like W has been busy with her friends -I was also blamed for "ignoring" D too much. 8. D is going away for the weekend with her grandmother. -again, I was always blamed for "sending D away" because I "didn't want her" but this summer compared to summers with me, D has been around significantly less than ever. 9. D also mentioned who her emergency contacts were on her phone, you guess it, not me. The neighbor is though. That's lovely. We are still legally married right? Last I checked we are. Feels like W is doing her best to keep me out of D's life yet is ok with me picking her up 2 times a week? This is so confusing. what's the motive here?
annoyed, nothing I can do. W has always been easy to anger. from 0-100 in a few secs. Still at it I see. It's frustrating and hard but I'm starting to see it's not all me. All the issues surrounding D will still be there and are still there but W is too blind to see now. Hope W sees it sometime. I also have a theory that because I didn't agree to be friends with W she's mad and is in turn having such a short fuse with me /trying to make my life difficult. W is just mean and I feel like at my throat all the time. Makes me wonder how in the heck is a R supposed to happen with a person like That?! I know for a fact there is no R in my near future, I cannot and will not put up with her. I really feel W is unstable. This DB is no joke, the road is long. Until W see's I'm not the problem and stops attacking? (maybe I need a diff word) there will be no R. W's guard is too high up. I wonder how I can start to get through those walls. validation doesn't do much, connecting through yes (like the book) doesn't do much. doing everything "Right" doesn't do much (she always finds something wrong) I don't know. I wish the road was a little clearer but It seems like we've destroyed the road.
busy GAL day tomorrow. peach festival 9-1230 with a couple of co workers then Beer festival 1pm-5pm with a friend (it's downtown so I'm sure I'll find something after the festival) It's going to be a good day!
