Made it through last night to today, haven't felt that down in a long time. I guess subconsciously I just wanted the progress of the other day to continue, and when it didn't the slightest thing made me crumble.
Yeah, I'm also not sure yet how to get around the disappointment of the false positives RSG. Guessing that's part of detachment, but it sure seems difficult to see getting to that spot.
That said, think about how well you were doing before she got your hopes up w/ the progress. It's all about getting back to that spot. You've already done the hard work to get there before so it should be easier to get back there now. Chalk this up to a learning experience for the next time a false positive flashes. I think it'll make you stronger as time goes on!
Here for you brother, as is everyone else. You're a prime example of how to do this thing. One little speed bump doesn't make that big of a difference!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Don't you dare send that text RSG!!! You know better than that
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Also I know how hard it is when you get your hopes up. It [censored]!! It's a kick in the groin region. You are expecting that she is just going to say one day, "I messed up. I want you back right now RSG. Lets start working on things and make it better" I've been there and I am still there at times. But you know what I am going to say You didn't get into this situation over night and you aren't getting out of it overnight.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Second what cbtdad said about the text, don't send it.. I know you think she'll see you are the good guy supporting her, but really what she'll do is take your balls back.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
LT, don't really see it as a FALSE positive per se. It's just me hitting FF and getting impatient. Yes, it is a positive she told me she doesn't want to divorce. But it's a harsh reality to know there's a mountain to climb between that and attempting to get back together.
Sandi, I'm not quite sure what you mean...
CBT/Coco: I obviously hit FF, and went back to my natural hatred of patience. Yeah, my initial thought was about what you said Coconut. CBT, no worries. As the day wore on, I realized it just wasn't appropriate to send. That would be so much more appropriate if we were in MC or in some way trying to reconnect. Not now. I'm making positive changes. I'm moving forward. I'm doing well, I just need to accept baby steps in HER journey just as I do my own. Be able to accept those baby steps without expecting things to snowball at the speed I want them to.
It gets frustrating. It's hard. If I didn't have this place, it's much more likely I'd contact W when I'm feeling scared or doing things to try to be nice. I'm plenty patient when it comes to my little boy, but with adults I always say the same thing. "Hurry up and make a choice." Unfortunately, for it to be the choice I'd much prefer here, I have to wait. and wait. and wait. And keep working on me. This is why being Daddy first is so key for me.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
Keep it up RSG just be the best dad you can and try to let the rest happen in due course. This journey is [censored] but hopefully the destination will be nice. Stay strong.
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
Keep it up RSG just be the best dad you can and try to let the rest happen in due course. This journey is [censored] but hopefully the destination will be nice. Stay strong.
Thanks! Yeah, my little boy is my focus. Tonight I waited and let a woman (I think grandmother) who was getting her little girl situated in her cart go by while S and I waited. She said thanks, I said no problem have a nice night! So unlike me, but the lady was very happy to hear it. I know that's the right thing to do.
I wan to be a Super Dad. That will be here whether W comes around or not.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
Not a ton to speak of. W picked up the little guy yesterday around 10, even though she said it'd be around 9:15. Didn't mention anything about it. I was literally beat. I took a nap around 1:30 for a couple hours. I did some me reading, watched some tv and generally just rested up.
She asked me to pick up the little guy at the church at 10:30 so I said sure. (She had previously asked to keep him until after nap time, roughly 3PM). She said they had gone to see her friend, who I like, and gone to a farmer's market yesterday. He did well she said, and sent me a pic of him in a train like thing. I was cordial, maybe a little too friendly who knows, and was happy to see my buddy. She said she was going to a meeting at her boss' church re joining a mentoring program. I had seen the link on her FB page earlier, so I decided to look. It really sounds like something my old W would like, meeting up with an elementary school aged kid once a month and help them as needed.
I forgot who's thread it was on, or who said it, but it was said that if your W isn't doing the things to make her happy she will always blame you for her being unhappy. I have never looked at it that way. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. We cannot truly love someone else before we love ourselves.
I'm trying another recipe this weekend, started following a FB page for more. The new recipe is a more pure chicken fried rice recipe than how I make it. Also, I saw a recipe for homemade taco seasoning which sounds great! Whoever would've thought I'd enjoy cooking lol.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
I forgot who's thread it was on, or who said it, but it was said that if your W isn't doing the things to make her happy she will always blame you for her being unhappy. I have never looked at it that way. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. We cannot truly love someone else before we love ourselves.
Hadn't seen this yet, but I think it's spot on. I think the more happy we become, the more our WWs will resent it if they are also not finding happiness. Maybe it pulls them in to want to be part of our happiness again, but maybe it pushes them further away. Who knows.
At this point though, our own happiness is all we can control. Your posts are starting to make me hungry though. Maybe i'll give this cooking thing a whirl as well. That'd be a complete 180 for me and have the added side benefit of getting some very quizzical looks out of my W!
You're doing an awesome job RSG, keep it up!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
